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what was a moment when you had a sudden feeling of self awareness?
| It happened to me 2 times. The first one in elementary, everyone around me treat me like a clown which at that time I thought they were my friends. Until the last day I that I feel somethings is wrong with me and getting some composure.
| >>9dd1f3
The second time in middle school. So after I changed myself I got quite a lot of friends. We play together alot, but later they started to avoid me little by little until we didnt talk anymore. Again I started to find whats wrong and the answer is me. I complained A LOT(being toxic) when we are playing. I stopped complaining and become more understanding, maybe blame myself for mistakes(if not obviously other fault).
| I'm always was and i'm anxious.. i don't remember since when i did realise this.. buty my childish me was always unsure.. i can't say that i did get far from it.. i was always have tendency to being alone.. but i hate it little.. i feel that i need feel some kind of connection.. and time to time listen few nice things or experience something nice.. but i have really difficult trusting in people
| I've had it a few times.
Sometimes I feel very alone. I feel like none of my friends actually know me and that they don't want to be around me, when in reality I've just been isolating because of depressive episodes and just never told them the things about me that I wish they knew.
Also, while I was on call with my best friend one time we were looking back at our first messages together, and I realized that I was very selfish and kind of a fucking pain to deal with at that time.
| So, while I had become a much, much better person by the time we did that and I realized that, it was still an important moment of realisation since it made me aware of how I act and what I say during the times I'm being selfish and a bit of an asshole, so that if I ever relapse back to that I will be able to catch myself and stop it.
And lastly, I realized not that long ago that I often let myself overthink shit to the point where it makes me really anxious or depressed.
| My best friend helped me notice that and told me something that really hit hard and changed me for the better:
"This is something the therapist doesn't tell you, but it's very easy to not overthink"
And, well, after that I've had a much easier time dealing with intrusive thoughts and shit. Because I just think "Okay, I'm overthinking this. Overthinking makes things bad. These thoughts I'm having are just anxiety and has no proof or real meaning to them."
And then I just, calm down.
| Once when I was in middle school, I was telling my mom about school, and she told me that it sounded like my friends and I were bullying some other kids. I hadn't ever thought of myself as a bully, but in that moment I realized how bad everything I'd been doing was. It sounds ridiculous, but that realization that I wasn't the person that I thought I was still fucks me up to this day. I always worry that I might unknowingly slip back into my old ways and end up hurting someone
| after I broke up with my ex (more like she with me), i realized two months afterwards the relationship was actually pretty awful for me.
i always felt lesser than her bc i was more of a thinker and she was more spontaneous, so i was always lapped in discussions and arguments. my self-esteem was tanked, we were moving a bit too fast, but during the relationship i thought everything was fine.
it really hit like a semi when i realized it. im better off without her.
| I became preoccupied with my lying. Everything I was, was lies. I was a liar. Even lying down, I was lying, always lying. My existence was a tangled cluster of lies, cancelling themselves out, struggling to make sense, surviving only on the energy that others gave when they turned to see the freak who could not tell the truth.
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| I was talking to my mother about having no true friends.
My mother said she clearly remembered me talking to a bunch of my friend group and actually I was actively shunning 2 of them (whether intentionally or not). I don't really remember this but I realised i need to stop complaining get off my ass, and just try and find people to try and be friends with.