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Why do I keep denying myself anything good in life?
| It sounds like you have a lot of self hate. Maybe you can begin by examining *why* you hate yourself?
| >>715383
I don't know. Maybe because I'm fat, and lazy, and I don't have any passion in life, and I don't have any "real" or actually close friends. And whatever friends I have I always suspect of actually disliking me and just bearing with me because they're unable to tell me to leave out of pity or something. Which is a really shitty thing to think and no way to treat friends, so that makes me hate myself even more. I try to be better, fail and hate myself more. A vicious cycle.
| >>715411
I'm fat because I'm lazy and I used to stress eat a lot. As for why I'm lazy, hell if I know. Probably because it's easier to sit on the couch all day than to do anything meaningful, like exercise or whatever. And I know full well what I need to do to change that, but I just don't. I've noticed that I've started kinda... almost reveling in this shitty situation I've trapped myself in. Like, out of spite for myself, or because I think I don't deserve anything better anyway.
| who's for zoom call therapy?
| It is really hard to learn to not try to motivate yourself with guilt and self-pity in today's world. Many people will tell you you deserve this and they deserve that, but there's not really any such thing as deserving something. Making mistakes doesn't make you bad, or mean the universe has a duty to be unkind to you. That's just what many people try to convince themselves of, and they'll try to enforce it.
| Being happy can be hard work, but that is because it's often the work that brings the happiness. Maybe exercising might help you be happier, but it's not the only thing that will make you happy. If you wanted to exercise, but later decided not to, that's when you make the critical decision: do you feel guilty and say "oh no, I should have exercised, I'm so bad at this..." or do you think about why you made that choice and what you'll do differently next time?
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| I'm so sick of it now. I keep declining all invitations of any kind and keep convincing myself that I don't need or don't deserve things I want. Can't even take a compliment, ffs. The only thing I think when I get one is "nah, that can't be right, sorry for deceiving you." I can't get out of this toxic mindset. Therapy is not available now that covid is screwing everything up, plus to be honest it's just scary. I don't know what to do. Just putting myself down over and over.