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how do i enjoy things...
| course on this website, but it comes from a place of always feeling like i'm never good enough for anyone, or even myself. Not without tangible results. Even if other people are having the time of their life with something I created, I don't register their happiness as an accomplishment- or maybe I do, and I don't think its "enough."
Therefore, I am never satisfied. I was afraid that it might have something to do with money, but I don't think I care about money so much as desire
| self validation and accomplishment. Feeling as if I am always improving, and always getting better, than someone else. And when I don't succeed, I hate the hobby and myself a little more. And anyone who may be connected with said activity.
Feels like the only thing I ever enjoy anymore is eating good food. But even that is restricted by an almost autistic obsession with losing weight and maintaining a certain "bodytype."
| TLDR: I am never happy because I corrupt all sources of happiness as a means to an end and the "end" is entirely subjective and arbitrary.
How the fuck do I just enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them again?
| Have sex and have fun.
| Capitalism sucks eh?
| You just gotta, force your brain to work differently I guess. If you want genuine help with the not feeling good enough and shit like that, then therapy can help a lot. I'm very depressed and often hate myself and feel like I'm not good enough, and it helped for me.
But for real though. You gotta sit down with yourself or with another person and just realise how dumb it is to optimise every little thing you do instead of enjoying it. It's hard, but, what else can you do?
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| ...without eventually corrupting it into a job?
what i mean by this eventually I lose interest in a hobby because I become obsessed with either monetizing it, making it "perfect," or otherwise trying to get reknown for it.
Even if its not something I made, I can't play video games because I worry about the time "wasted." I critique anime and books for things I can steal and use in my own works. Same with comics.
I'm pretty miserable and hate myself, which is par for the