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Why am i so weak?
| You should just get your ass to a therapist. It's very obvious that you struggle mentally, and let me assure you this, she wouldn't be talking to you if she found you annoying. It's just your anxiety.
| Yeah OP go see a therapist before your fears come true
| sadly some people left me.. so this fear is real in some way.. i admire her ability to stand me..
She was also supported me to visit psychotherapy, i feel guilty that i was promised it to her but i couldn't do it..
I have suspicious that am i have some form of personality disorder but i'm not sure.. In past i was visiting psychologist and psychotherapist but they never helped me.. [1/2]
| when i said once my family about that i have suspicious about it, they throwed it, and was strongly feeling rage to me that i'm totally fine and was streaming to me.. i have little fear that they could being toxic to me.. Actually i'm also now living as hikikomori and going in to public.. i'm living in capital city.. [2/2]
| >>684201 >>684202
As I said, you need professional help homie.
And again, it's not "ability to stand you". It's anxiety, depression or both.
If you genuinely think you have a personality disorder than that's pretty serious.
Get professional help. Shit won't get better by itself.
| i have feeling that i have problem in based things as identity, reasons of existence or moral asks and decisions.. i'm missing this all
| >>684319
That's fairly normal, and again, sounds like depression and similar, and homie, I've been there myself, and I didn't get better until I both had someone close to talk to and a therapist to talk to. You already have that person. Now you just need a therapist, and from there it's still gonna be hard, but it's gonna be a lot easier than how you have it now.
| op u actually described my life
(except i dont have anyone i can trust)
| I was in past visited psychiatrist no psychotherapist yet.. i shouldn't write in late nights..but rest is right..i was once taking anti-depressants, but they didn't helped me, psychiatrist wanted give me anti-psychotics, but i refused this and insulted me, without even reason why. I was decided to drop actual anti-depressants and nothing was changed, just i had strong dizzy few days, and of course, psyschiatrist was mad for it, and said that i have leave and find other psychiatrist
| >>684429
This is the last time I'm gonna bother saying it. Get professional help. You also need to be completely honest when talking to the professionals and you also have to listen to them for it to work. Good luck.
| I felt similarly. Also had a similar girl. Managed to ask her out a few times on which she made excuses. I gave up. I went to a psychotherapist once and felt how it's a dumb experience. They told me obvious things I knew myself and I felt like they didn't understood me one bit. I did not come again. Now I have stressful work and it makes me not stress about my person.
TLDR: making yourself busy might help
| >>684445 honesty is something what can't i offer even myself sadly..
>>684482 yes but it's not fill void forever :(
| I wish i could do everything right..
| I have fear that i don't have hope.. sadly this thing said me a lot people in person..
| This very moment, this very world, this very body is the point. Now. You see? But, if you’re seeking something beyond all the time, you never get with it. You’re never here.
Nirvana is right where you are, provided that you don’t object to it.
| >>e8d2f6 It's the ancient buddhist idea of a mind that's freed itself from all attachments to things in the world, and so can't be hurt by those things and attachments and brought back into a cycle of suffering. Sort of like the stoic ideal, though in a much different framework. It's been interpreted lots of ways by different movements though
| Nirvana is basically non living.
| Non being
The word means "extinguishing"
Of libido, destrudo and illusions.
| Love, hate and everything you think you know about the world
| Then you feel wholeness with the world and how everything is interconnected and one. In theory.
| >>685205 ohh, so something as dissociation? it's makes me feel embarassed little, but it's comfortable sometimes, specially in moments when i want die..
sometimes i feel mindfucked from how can something what i liked transformed in some what i deeply hate..
| >>685254
No. No no no. Nirvana is an ideal. Disassociation is a mental state your brain puts you in to protect you. They are very different things.
| >>685686 if was my brain person i would probably hug it for dissociations.. or maybe hate and stop contacting... duh.. depends when..
but i'm not still understanding what is difference there.. what is this idea about? like wish being dissociated or?
| >>685795
The anons above described it really well. If you can't understand it from what they said, then I don't think you'll understand it at all. Sorry.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nirvana
You can read that and see if you understand it better then. It doesn't have anything to do with disassociation though. Nirvana is a concept that comes from Hindu religions and it's basically you getting in a mental state where you're happy, content and completely in the moment, kinda.
| Even though the concept comes from religion though, it does have truth to it. It is genuinely possible to reach a state similar to nirvana. You need to work for it though. To put it this way, you seem to be very far from it, so you have a lot to go.
I wish you the best of luck with everything though. You might never reach nirvana, most people don't, but hopefully you get your shit together and go get professional help, and hopefully you'll be able to improve your mental health.
| >>685888 i feel really dumb when comes to religious concepts ;-;
all what i wish is being loved and accepted for my personality, and being freely me.. without judgement of others.. follow my wishes and so..
| ok retard
| ok retard
| digging minecraft style
| >>685686
To add, Nirvana is described the same way as total dissociation, which is very different from trauma dissociation and dpdr. They also use different mechanisms in the brain.
| Here exists more "forms" of dissociations? I know this one when i'm not part of world, and totally emotionless staring what is around.. All is as fog.. strange.. not mine.. not part of me "^^
| >>686344
Yeah, what you're describing is a similar type of dissociation to dpdr. I do get the feeling you describe, that happens to me a lot nowadays. Dissociation can be caused by different things though, so you may want to visit a specialist about it, although technically speaking it's usually only considered a mental health problem if it's harming you and/or causing distress or somesuch thing.
| The nirvana dissociation is a more global dissociation. Also, in most cases dissociation is a defense mechanism of the brain from something, so idk rly
| >>686372 but idk why.. but i'm really finding windows comfy... i like to lay on them and feeling cold on my face...and sometimes i'm really grateful for them.. exists here moments when is dissociation gift.. but also sacrifise..
| By the way, psychotherapy is bullshit at best, dangerous usually. If you want to get better, try real science and medicine instead and you'll have a chance.
| >>686900 psychotherapist wasn't really help.. they said in past that am i autistic, other times that i have adaptation problem, other time that i have depression, other time bipolar depression with emotional unbalance and so.. but i have even problem to act there naturally.. other times i could act as that i'm totally fine, and psychiatrist was talking about smaller amount of anti-depressants, over that they was as placebo and was do nothing.. idk what i need, but firstly i [1/2]
| should accept myself.. and have one personality what will see all people.. i have almost what person, that persona.. but my real personality really know just 3 people.. these persons i even never meet in real life.. but they was always nice to me.. but still i'm sometimes covering my personality front of them.. i feel as social chameleo [2/2]
| *psychiatrist no psychotherapist....
i feel really tired from it, but i can't change it.. and honestly.. i don't have idea how can psychiatrist curing me when all what they get is perfect persona what is quiet, not trusting, and isn't able to tell what is wrong.. because i don't even know what is wrong
| I'm sorry for venting too much
| OP i'm into weak bois
| >>687430
they're easier to hold down and struggle snuggle. plus it's very cute and makes my protective instincts go wild.
| >>687458 it's sounds really nice.. but now is ask if would you really like it when that person is inside full of emptiness, rage, and really impulsive emotions
| yes ^^ just.. i have fear if am i not cross-version of yandere little..
| i don't understand myself really
| how can i improve myself?
| i don't know.
| i don't know either
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| idk what is wrong with me..
i don't have will to visit psychotherapy..my mind is one fucking chaos..
i wish being me, but all what i can be in front of others on public is just perfectionistic persona..i don't even trust my own family..Just on internet i feel little comfortable to being as me, also i found there one person what i really trust, and she is really special for me..
but i have fear that am i annoying to her and so..
scaring me imagine if she hated me.
What should i do?