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How do you know you love someone romantically?
| You don't really do all that with people who are just your friends.
| >>678375
I guess. I've never done it with him though, so idk. Maybe it's just my imagination that I want that, you know? I've also never properly felt romantic love before, so I don't know if this is it, you know? If it is I hate it.
| Maybe it's not love, but just affection. Or rather, infatuation. Love is when you're pretty much sure that you want to spend your life together with that person. This, however? Yeah, it just sounds like you want to be close with someone, tbh.
| >>678521
Hm. Maybe? I hope so. Problem is that I think I'd really enjoy spending my life with him, but, idk. It's hard for me to figure out.
| You can't find an answer without actually giving it a go.
| >>678540
That's the thing though, I can't. He's straight and my best friend. So I know he wouldn't give it a go because he wouldn't have feelings for me, and I don't want to tell him because I don't want to kill my relationship with him.
| Then why does it matter? Just be friends.
If your desire starts to grow - then you'll have to talk at some point. From there you'll either try this whole "relationship" thing - or go your separate ways. No other option, you can't keep your feelings locked up. It ends badly.
If your desire does not start to grow - you're good. I'd focus on getting another partner to secure this route.
| >>678556
I don't want to find a partner though. Idk. I don't really have the desire to find a partner, but, I think I could enjoy having him as it, you know? Idk man. I guess I'll just do like you say. Wait until it either stops or fucks me up to the point where I break, tell him and see how it goes.
It's still really hard for me to know if I have romantic feelings though. Like, fuck, idk. Maybe I'm just retarded.
| Oh no. "Breaking point" is exactly what you want to avoid either by talking to the man or filling the space with someone else.
But yeah, you aren't spoiled for choice.
You can try to drop some hints in case he's a closet bisexual, but viability of that approach heavily depends on a shit ton of factors. Kinda hard to say if it's worth it.
So, just waiting and distancing in case it gets bad.
| >>678567
Getting to the breaking point is usually the only times I'm able to do shit though. Like, a hard situation like this is usually something I don't talk to someone about unless I'm having a really hard panic attack while wanting to die.
Well, we've talked about the topic of sexuality a lot. Like, I've told him before that I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, which I guess turned out to be correct. I know he isn't though. We're pretty open about stuff like that.
| Getting to the breaking point won't just hurt you - it will hurt them. And /that/ hurts the most afterwards. So I'd advise against that.
So, if you're absolutely sure that he isn't homosexual - you know what to do. But causiously testing the waters can be beneficial. Not everyone just /knows/ that they are something. It's complicated.
| >>678573
How will it hurt him? I have self-control. I'd just tell him, and that would be it. Sure, it would hurt me, but I hurt all the time. I can survive some more. Idk. I guess I just have a hope that it fades quickly or that I'm misunderstanding my feelings, you feel me? I only realised that I've developed feelings that are, more than normal ones, today. Like, today is when it really hit me, so I might be misunderstanding something or just tripping. At least I hope so.
| If you have self-control - why do you need to get to the breaking point? Besides, you said it yourself - panic attack, wanting to die... I doubt that a friend won't notice your condition, even if you are able to mask it.
It will hurt them, because you've been bearing all of this. Hid away something that chipped away at your sanity - and they are the sole reason.
| And there isn't a feeling shittier - realising that not only you've ruined your friendship, but made the person you care about feel that kind of pain. Speaking from experience here. And relying solely on your will if you can't even muster enough of it to prevent the situation altogether is not the best idea.
| You can be just tripping - let's hope that's true - but then there is no issue. It remains to be seen, and in the meantime - it's a good idea to outline a plan of action.
| >>678586
Well, wanting to die might be an overexaggeration. I don't get suicidal that easily. I've been through a lot, and only once started genuinely wanting to end it. I'll be fine.
>>678587
Well, I obviously hope it wouldn't ruin our friendship. He's a really nice and understanding person and he's been my best friend for years. He's accepted me when admitting to much worse than this, but obviously my anxiety tells me it would ruin it.
>>678589
Hm. I guess so.
| Even if shit hits the fan - friendship can be restored, I wouldn't worry about that. Anyone can fall in love and it's not a permanent thing - so, I'm sure after the brief time apart it will go back to normal. And that's the worst case scenario.
So for now you have the simple task of monitoring your condition and minimizing the damage. Not that hard. It's just best not to hesitate if things go south in the heart-department.
| >>678599
Yeah. I'm aware, but, thank you. It's probably just my anxiety fucking me up more than anything. I've helped people who have been in sort of similar situations before, but, man. I feel like this would be a lot easier if it was a female. The fact that it's a male just adds layers that I don't want to be there. The fact that I'm almost completely new to romantic feelings also makes it worse than it has to be. Fuck this.
| If it was just sexual attraction it would be easier, but I'm not naturally sexually attracted to males. If that was the case, he would have been aware of it and it would have been easier. But, fuck. Fuck. I'll just wait things out for now I guess.
| Naaaah, could be worse. Imagine having this kind of a problem with a lesbian. With sexual attraction added into the mix you'd get one hell of a volatile concoction.
Best of luck to 'ya, then. Take care.
| You could always start asking about what 'his type' is and start acting/dressing like that.
He might even get the hint!
| The third option:
Heterosexuality
| >>678624 I really know how anxiety can be, but i do think this is a case where you don't have that much to worry about. Not that that necessarily makes it easier but he sounds understanding and its totally legitimate to talk through the kind of relationship that you want to gave even if it's not the traditional romantic+sexual thing if you decide it's time
>>678678 good idea, everyone knows straight people never had romantic problems
| >>678635
Y'all have really never been irl, huh? No shit he would get the hint, it would be so fucking obvious, and it would most likely creep him the fuck out. Again, he's straight.
>>678886
Yeah. I'd just prefer if it fades very quickly and then that's that's. I hate thinking about possibly having to tell him.
>>678678
I don't think I ever got that option. Is it DLC?
| >>678890 i got it free with my matrixbox 360. Its a fucking card game they dont even charge people for it
| I have a lot of people I hug, cuddle, and kiss. You can want that from someone and still not romantically love them. Do you want to be with them the rest of your life and marry them? If you do That is romantic love.
| >>679168
I've never thought of marriage as ideal, like, no matter who. I don't know if I'd be ready to that much commitment no matter who. I'm also 17, so, not any time soon at least. I love spending time with and talking with him though, and right now I really want to but it's kind of hard to do it. Like, I feel like I've started to hold back more around him and stuff, and been more self-conscious and shit.
| Holy shit. There were a lot of typos in that message. I'm sorry for that. Not at my best right now.
I've been with friends a lot the last few days, him being one of them, and, it's made me happy whenever I get the opportunity to do something with only him or talking to him more than normal, or when he participates in a conversation. I've talked with some close people about this as well. I've been told it sounds like I really do have a crush on him, but, idk. I hate this a lot.
| >>678555
I've been through this, trust me, you want to confront it. bottling it up will damage your relationship worse than just going "hey bro wanna cuddle"
| >>679273
I will if it gets too bad. I've been feeling like this for less than a week I think, so, yeah. I'll at least wait and see, though, I guess I've come to the realisation that my feelings actually are true and given up on the hope that I'm misunderstanding.
| When their happiness becomes more important than yours. Idk, for me, i've always started to think of it as a decision. "Can i love this person?" And start really thinking about it piece by piece. When i decide that i can, (and i mean really love. Not just go when feelings fade away but like, not minding growing older with them) then my heart follows, oddly enough.
| >>679331
Hmm.
Well, I've more or less confirmed for myself that I do have strong romantic feelings for it, so I guess that makes this thread kinda useless. When I was chatting with someone about it and ended up writing pages about things I love about him and all the stuff I want to do with him and shit, and the feeling of pure ecstasy I get from just thinking about it. After that it was painfully obvious that I do have romantic feelings for him and I'm not mistaken.
| So, I guess I'll just see how it goes. If I get too fucked up over it and it lasts a long time I'll probably have to tell him, but for now I think I'll just ride this high he's giving me.
| stfu retard
| So, if there is anyone here and able to answer, does nothing but intense anxiety mean that the love has faded? When thinking about him now I just get so much anxiety because I know I'll never get him and I'm scared about confessing. Does that mean the love is fading or does it just mean that I'm not good at handling it?
| >>679862 i think you're just melting the anxiety and what ifs into one. Youre not just good at handling it. Your nervousness overshadows what you feel romantically towards that person and if you know that you dont have a chance, just let it go my guy. Tough but worth it in the long run.
|
| So, it was my birthday today, so I was hanging out with some friends, him being one of them, and, I didn't like it. I wanted it to be just me and him, but I also knew that if it was I'd still feel like absolute shit. I've just become very melancholic.
| Well, I confessed and even though I do still have feelings for it every bad outcome was just in my head as expected.
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| I want to hug him and kiss him and cuddle with him and stuff, but, is that romantic love? Is it possible to feel like that without being in love with him?