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i am getting depressed again
| i managed to hold a decent job for two years and counting so i'm not a complete failure at life i suppose, but i barely know anything about my coworkers despite working there for this long. i'm the only one like that there, the others are pretty talkative even. but no one really talks to me because of my resting bitch face and inability to start or hold conversations. and when i try to talk to someone it usually ends up being just a few generic phrases before anxiety hits
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| that in turn led to me hating myself for how i am. how i'm not as good as everyone and i don't fit anywhere and i'll be alone forever because i'm boring and grumpy and i don't have good looks either so there's just nothing to offer to a potential partner. to be honest i'm only still alive because suicide is scary and i don't want to devastate my family by having them deal with that, otherwise I would've done it few years ago. but now i guess i accepted my pitiful existence at least
| yeah. i don't really see the situation changing in the nearest time. and i don't know why i'm even writing this. i guess i just needed to get this off my chest. so if you're still reading this, sorry for having bothered you and thanks for deciding to spend your time on someone like me.
| Hey OP, glad you at least got this off your chest if nothing else. Sounds like you're in the shit, and honestly I understand where you're at. I've had a similar lifestyle myself, although admittedly the way you describe yours makes it sound far lonelier than I've been at most points in my life.
| All I can say really is that I hope it begins to turn around. Making friends and starting anew can be hard once you're at the age where you're always stuck at work, fuck knows I understand that one. Personally I've got one legitimate irl friend I still talk to regularly and she spends most of the year at uni unable to talk or see me now.
| Trying to go outside and meet new people isn't the easiest experience at this kinda age, there's no easy catalyst for it like when you're stuck in school with people you have to interact with.
| All that said it doesn't sound like you've fully given up to me, so I hope that you'll get back on track. I've been trying to do the same, and I can assure you there's light at the end of the tunnel. Use the social skills you have from meeting people online to take the dive and try to talk to people at work.
| All that said it doesn't sound like you've fully given up to me, so I hope that you'll get back on track. I've been trying to do the same, and I can assure you there's light at the end of the tunnel. Use the social skills you have from meeting people online to take the dive and try to talk to people at work.
| Even if it turns out you don't like them it'll at least be worth it for the experience of navigating a real conversation. Fill your free time with some hobbies you can do solo. Something that'll take you outside for a change of scenery to just playing games in the same room every night.
| There's plenty of cool things you can do on your own, and depending where you live and what you choose to do, those new hobbies might take you to places where you'll meet new people.
| Anyway I'm rambling, my point is.. Don't give up yet OP, there's a cool life out there, and just because you've missed some of it doesn't mean you should miss all of it.
| >>f532d5
ah, thank you so much for responding, and so thoroughly as well
i wouldn't say i have given up, but i certainly don't have high hopes anymore either. i guess at some level i am content with how things are and it sickens me
i've been trying out lots of new hobbies over the years but nothing has really stuck yet, it's like a week of doing something and then back to vegging out for months again
i didn't just miss some of the life, i also missed getting some necessary skills
| it's kinda like skipping the tutorial in game and jumping straight into a boss fight i guess
it's probably disgusting just wallowing in self-pity like this but i don't feel like i can change anything at the time. been in kind of a weird mood lately
| Yo, buddy.
I did learn how to socialize properly.
I tried, and didn't like what people were giving me.
So I went my own way because I'm not a masochist, and I don't stand behind, nor submit to those who enjoy shitting on me and those who follow them.
I explored that, and discovered how different I am.
But it's okay bacause I also learnt that literally every single one of us is different in so many ways.
But it's just so easy to see the world as black or white...
| At work, there's work.
If colleagues want to be more than colleagues, well, why not. But at work, I'm working. Maybe I'm boring. But fuck it, that's how I function.
My resting face doesn't please someone ? Probably because I'm constantly bothered about something.
Nothing to offer to a potential partner ? Why does it have to be about profit, eh ?
I accept none of this. That's why I did everything so differently in the first place.
I'm not an extravagant person anyways.
| There's so much negativity in your post that it frustrates me and I don't even know how to make you say the positive things about you. And hell I know there are.
It's not because I'm trying to be conforting. I can't be that sweet.
It makes me feel sad that you feel down for such reasons. That seems like you're having a hard time, but I can't help you...
I hope you don't actually hate yourself, and you soon see something like a ray of positivity in your life...
| You being honest with yourself, OP, is actually a promising sign to recovery. I've known many people, myself included, who have done nothing but hold their thoughts and emotions internally and have lost good friends because of it. This obstacle isn't easy, and with all that is going on with covid, everyone has kind of been left to steep in their own gloom. Mental health is something that has been largely neglected by people, at least in my country.
| It can be hard to come out to others and to be honest with yourself with topics like this. I'm no professional, but what I can say to you is that you have to stay strong. You still have that fight in you tucked in somewhere. Everyone does, it's in our human nature to persevere, to come out on top and to face our former selves; to prove to them that things will be better. When it comes to your self-image, whether it be external or internal, there is simply no such thing as perfect.
| All people have their own faults, their own scars left by someone and/or self-inflicted. These are things that we may carry for the rest of our lives. Sometimes we make decisions we aren't proud of and there is still some regret. But, you are beautiful the way you are, OP. The keys to our futures are within the lessons learned from our pasts. We have that ability to change ourselves for the better. And I wholeheartedly believe that you have that power.
| As social beings, we always want to fit in like a well-made gear and work our way through life. When we fall into our own downward spirals, it's hard to see us get back out from the abyss. But, believe me, things will get better in the future. Draw out that strength you have hidden within yourself. Find something that inspires it to come out. Experiment with new things. Eventually, you'll find it. It's easier said than done, obviously. No seed grows without care. But it can be done
| You have a beautiful soul, OP. Don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sure someone in the future will see you and cherish you for who you are. You still have a whole saga to live and write about. I believe in you <3
| "i'm getting depressed again" this could be my thread.
i'm in a bad place. i'm drifting in and out
| >>da06a5 >>8dfa1b
thank you so much for advice and encouragement as well! really need that right about now
>>3328ac
ah damn i feel you. here's hoping it gets better for us both eventually
it didn't get much better throughout the day and now it kinda feels like i almost want to cry but can't. though in some roundabout way i calmed down a bit. it isn't such a suffocating feeling anymore.
guess i'll try to go back to sleep now. maybe the day's a bit brighter tomorrow
| thank you all again!
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| the corona-related stress sure doesn't help but it started even before the quarantine hit. i think it might be because i'm just lonely i don't have any really close friends (and the friends i do have are all online) and only had a relationship once despite being quarter of a century old, and even that was online as well. i just didn't learn how to socialize when i was supposed to because i was busy with shit i thought was more important, like books and games
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