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Do u ever just play yourself
| I convinced myself I wanted to do a Dex build and started as a Mercenary even though I really love Str builds and Warrior is the best for min/maxing and now I already have all the gear and am level 120 but I can't make the build I want at meta levels even with respeccing because of the default points wasted by the Mercenary class :(
| Tell us all about his red flags!
| >>644877 i have to walk on eggshells with him because he loopholes everything. He said he's inlove but then he becomes distant. He's really wishy washy about everything and he gives me bad anxiety sometimes. I feel like im an option and im never enough as i am.
| >>644911 ahhh you think so? I dont see him as someone like that tbh but ahh help i could be blinded.
| Sounds like the start of an abusive relationship to me
| >>645160 really? You think so? Im thinking of course that he isn't perfect or that maybe i'm overthinking things. It's obvious that his patterns has changed this week. It breaks my heart that that's the case.
| I don't think he's necessarily that bad. Most of what you described sounds like it might be anxiety or something. What do you mean by loopholes though?
| >>645189
i'm not op, but that's my guess.
to loophole, squeeze the tiniest bits of (partial) meaning out of what you said/did, put it in a way that harms your original message, and throw it back to your face in a passive-aggressive way, for the sole purpose of fueling an otherwise fictional argument.
some g/u/rls around there are really good at it and cultivate this art of the darkness.
that's an effective method for making people feel like shit for trying to help you.
| >>645264
You mean like a Strawman fallacy?
People who resort to fallacies are by definition morons and are fine to ignore completely. You have more important matters to attend to than wasting energy on people who can't even think properly.
| >>645189 >>645264 OP here. That's exactly what it is! The other day when he was out running, i told him "take care" and he went "huh? It's not like im going to run into a pole." And went on to saying that i'm weird for saying that. Minor thing.
Major case: He said something hurtful to me before and when i told him abt it, he'd turn it around and make me feel bad for feeling hurt with what he said. It was horrible.
That's just some examples of him being strange.
| >>645327 i've looked up strawman fallacy and you're right, too! He takes things out of context in order to distort what i say. It's not always like this, though. He tends to do that when we have a misunderstanding. I always tell him that "you're blowing things out of proportion." Whenever this happens.
He's really smart so it baffles me that he takes things waaayy out of context. He knows better, imo.
Maybe it's a manipulation tactic?
| >>645335 I do this sometimes for fun, like to make a joke. I take something the wrong way and then feign offense or confusion about why the person would want to say or do that. Maybe he just has a really weird sense of humor and doesn't realize that you are taking him seriously? I'm not saying you're wrong, maybe it is a way to manipulate, but are you sure he's doing this maliciously?
| >>645335
It is definitely a manipulation tactic. So he is either manipulating you or a social idiot.
| >>645395 sometimes i play dumb too but i think it all depends on the context on when you're doing it. I won't play dumb or turn things around when i know we're talking about something serious. Especially if it's another person's well-being. If you told me that i hurt you with what i said, i won't turn it around and make you feel that it's YOUR fault for getting hurt. I mean, who does that?
| >>645409 i can really see that it's a manipulation tactic but i really don't want to think ill of him ahhhahh im so dumb
| sounds like you know what you're into, so i trust you'll get to solve this situation
| Sounds like the OP is still playing herself (?) At this very moment. You know you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt, don't you?
| she knows better, don't sweat it
| >>645456 >>645458 i do, i do.
But i lack selfcontrol. I love him, i really do and i expect that he'll get tired of me soon so im just waiting for that? But i can't really find it in my heart to end things first. :(
| >>645472 set boundaries. If you continue to go along with it it will get worse little by little until you can't even imagine breaking it off even though he is more abusive than ever. What would it take for you to call it quits? How long will you go along waiting for him to change? Set concrete boundaries so you have control. He will freak out like the man-child he is and make threats, but really it's good for both of you.
| >>645519 i don't think he'll freak out. He'll turn this against me and how much i'm a bitch if anything tbh :( it sucks that we're workmates, too. People will be bound to take his side for sure.
| >>645583
The more I read about him the more toxic and juvenile he sounds. Setting boundaries is important and don't let him manipulate you out of it. He'll never grow if he's allowed to continue to act the way he does.
| >>645617 thank you g/u/rls! This really means a lot and it helped me realize that im not the crazy one haha.
The thing is i'm really submissive and bad at confrontations. If push comes to shove, he'll turn this around and i know that he can because he's more eloquent than i am.
| Two outcomes that's likely to happen:
1. He'll make up a reason saying "i gtg bc i need to do a thing and i'll be back" and he won't come back until i message him first.
2. He'll confront what i say and turn this all on me. He'll turn it around, going from the point he tried to make (as he takes what i say out of context) and tell me what i need to change or why he got hurt with what i said.
I can't win.
| you like baseball btw ?
| maybe you are both playing yourselves, cause your partner don't seem like they can handle serious talk.
idk maybe i'm just better at playing ball and i'm saying nonsense
| >>645650 if he can't then im really impressed on how he manages to turn everything around.
Imo it seems more stressful to prove you're right than acknowledging the reality of a situation.
| >>645651 you seem to have it in your head that you need to win against him in some way OP. It's not so. The easiest and best way to "win" against manipulators is to leave. Don't give him the pleasure of an argument to win. Just text him that you don't want to be friends with him anymore, that you aren't open to talk about it, and block him everywhere. If he keeps pursuing you, that's creepy af, and it's restraining order time.
| It was only after I lived alone for a year that I realized how manipulative my parents were. They were divorced, so they were raging a war against each other, the battleground being my mind, each planting their own thoughts and ideas in my head against the other. Only through distance was I able to see it clearly. It's not something you can see while you're in the middle of it, even if it's obvious. Hopefully you too look back and see the manipulation, and gain experience from it.
| >>646522 it's not that i want to win but i guess at one point i just want him to realize that im not like the gurls that's desperate to chase him. He has anxiety so i do my best to understand him. :c
| >Update on him this week:
he's talking to me like normal again. I didnt bother carrying the conversation yesterday because his replies were dry af and at the end of the day he said he messaged me saying "so u didnt talk to me all day smh" When he doesnt even help continue the convo. Dude ignored me all days last week. It feels so petty
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| Like im inlove with this guy and he's showing sooo many red flags and fck i know better because i see through what he's doing but i just can't fking stop. When i love, i love hard and i really L O V E him. Im so pathetic but when it hits, it just really hits. Im fking stuck and an just waiting for my demise tbh. And that's on toxicity.
When's the last time you played yourself?
What happened?