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Feeling Cute, Might Drown Myself Later
| >Notices the horrifically attractive corpse that caught my attention on this Sunday evening.
>I walk closer to the lake, and I look at it. I don't know if I should feel disgusted or frightened by something like this. That would be a natural reaction, would it not? Yet I only feel this warm tingling deep inside of me.
>I blush as I stroke the chin of this beautiful, beautiful person. I pull her up onto the stones by the lakeside. I look deeply into her eyes and finally feel happy.
| I dropkick >>623515 to the side and begin CPR. Come on>>623515 ! We need a medic team here stat! Call the hospital and find the nearest AED!
| "I..."
>Speechless and hurt, I look at >>623516
"Why..."
>I attempt to push >>623516 aside and run away with the love of my life.
| if you actually do end up doing that, like...drownings a pretty painful way to go. If you must, just get a gun and do it.
| >>624022 as you barely manage to drag the corpse of your love along with you, the monk who attacked you starts picking up speed and soon you'll be forced into a confrontation... unless you think of something first.
| >>624058
>My mind is filled with to the brim with thoughts of protecting my darling, to the point where I can not think of anything else. Fight or flight kicks in. I roll for initiative.
(18)
| Furrack. I got an 8.
| >>624062 >>624075 you ready yourself for combat before the monk manages to close the gap. These are seconds of action but they could turn the tide of battle.
| >I start breathing heavily. I have never been one for fighting, but I have never had something to fight for. Now that I do, I will give it my all. I attack with a kick.
(5 damn it)
| >>624085 you let out your inner 70s kung-fu spirit and thrust your hind limb directly into the face of your opponent. Or so it seemed in your mind. Unfortunately, your balance is worse than that of a drunken ogre on a tightrope and your foot misses the general direction of the monk as he looks at you as if it were a circus play.
Hey, at least you're not knocked on your ass... yet.
| >>624085 >>624093 "We're running out of time, come on!">I shout. It doesn't look as though I'll persuade you though.
"Maybe this'll knock some sense into you!"
>I raise my foot high, and attempt to bring it down upon you. With the fury of 1000 sun's, I roll a... (14).
| >>624100 your foot is blazing with the holy fire and as you bring it down it lands... ouchie, sometimes leaving your foot in the air after a failed attack exposes particularly glaring weak points. The man with the corpse feels the burning sensation of CBT and must now pass a constitution check to keep himself from tending to his finely grounded nuts.
| (8. This better be easy.)
| >>624107 your nuts feel like a sack of mashed potatoes stabbed by a miriad of needles and then crushed with a warhammer. With a knightly call to arms blaring through your mind by your consciousness you manage to compose yourself enough to not fall down on the floor like a little b. You still touch your crotch to assess the damage.
It's not pretty.
You've spent your bonus action for that little endeavor and your constitution (and voice pitch) takes a temporary hit of -1 until lr
| Score one for this somewhat violent monk!
| >I compose myself slightly. My testicles have no purpose without my darling, so she is much more important! I try to punch this devilish monk in his solar plexus to hopefully stun him.
(17! Let's go!)
| (oh no)
| >>624125 dexterity check of around 15 to dodge or, if that fails, a constitution check to reduce the damage.
| 12 on dex... Doesn't look like I'm getting out of this one. Well, I might be able to minimise the damage... 18 is my const on this hit >>624127.
| >>624128 >>624123 the man with the corpse channels all his determination and purpose into clarity and strength, using that as fuel to power his improvised assault and strikes the monk into a vital weak point in the human body. Bullseye! The fist is swift, the strike finds its target despite the monk attempting to dodge. He, however manages to stand on his feet, although notably damaged from the blow. He is dazed slightly, unable to form a clear picture in his mind.
| >>624123 the window is short however, and not enough to run away. But perhaps you may continue your assault in this brief moment of vulnerability.
| >Impressed with my own abilities and motivated by keeping my loved one save, I strike yet again. This time I go for his eyes in an attempt to permanently blind the monster that is trying to take my girlfriend away from me.
(1... Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.)
| >>624153 you feel pride swell within you, your confidence surging and blinding you in a dazzling flash of narcissism. After all, such an impressive display of skill cannot possibly indicate anything besides your complete superiority over your opponent. The monk is slowly regaining his composure as you smugly smirk to yourself. You swiftly take up a fighting position, one that will undoubtedly make you look like a complete badass and from it a swift scissor jab directly to the eyes!
| >>624153 pride is a fickle mistress however, and lies are her greatest mischief. As you propel your whole body forward in an attempt to completely dominate your opponent you... slip. The mighty tower of your accomplishments slowly crumbling as you see dirt beneath approaching at alarming speed. This would be a moment of embarrassment to be sure, but things are even worse than that. Your eyes spy your extended hand before them, tilted away from your opponent and pointed at you.
| >>624153 pointed right there. No, a bit to the left. Yes, indeed, you calculate the trajectory of your fall along with the position of your cranium and you deduce that the fall will be inconvenient for your prolonged ocular health. Unable to move your stiff body, it falls with the grace of a log onto the ground, collapsing onto itself and, yes, leaving your fingers lodged in your eyesockets like some twisted children's match-the-shapes toy.
| Suffice it to say, if the corpse the warriors bravely fought over had any shred of the spark left within it, her reaction would be less than gleeful.
| I'm still >>033c78! Assuming >>624153 's turn is over, I'd like to use my bonus action to do what the kids would call "a sick dab" on her.
| Where's the roll? If you're gonna dab on my blind, pathetic, failure of a husk then at least do it properly.
| >>624183 you do what could only be described by the youngsters as a "cringe" display. Thankfully no one was there to see it for the corpse is slightly dead and the man-pig currently has his eyes in a precarious position.
| I look around. Do I see any buildings? If so, what are they?
| >>624194 you are at the lake that further up the stream works as a hub for the village of Diisnats, a humble woodworking community mostly concerned with supplying fresh wood to the capital city. Nearby, however, you see thick formations of willows lowering their leaves into the gentle waters below, a calming sight but not what you're looking for. As you glide your sight along the banks of the lake you spot a small cottage nearby, a hunting lodging perhaps? It could be what you need
| >>624243 you grab the now pretty cold body and pull. Your muscles, however, seem to have atrophied a bit, perhaps due to the cringe you experienced after embarrassing yourself with a badly performed dab. In either case you still manage to slowly drag the corpse through the mud and to the cabin.
Meanwhile the man-pig laying on the ground has so far made no attempts to move an inch after his unfortunate accident. Is he dead? Biding his time? Perhaps his pride took too big of a hit?
| He could potentially intervene in the monk's agonizingly slow journey to safety if he stood up this very moment. And assessed the damage to his sight. And managed to compose himself. And managed to see the dragging line on the ground leading to the cabin. And wasn't such a colossal failure.
But you know what they say, slow and steady wins the race.
| (Bro, how heavy is that corpse? I mean, I know we ain't got any modifiers, but damn.)
>I lie there. Eyesight fucked up, feeling the scrapes from the rough ground beneath me. I'm spiraling deeper and deeper into thoughts of failure. The delusion that I could have had a better life, but I threw away the chance. The illusion that I could finally have felt love after an entire life without it. I can not manage to pull myself together yet, as my broken mind is weighing me down.
| The monk (fucking finally) drags the body to the cabin, only now realizing that the lively yellows of the day have slowly shifted to the soothing ember hues of the tired sun.
|
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| Oh no! *my corpse sexily rises to the top of the lake right as a passerby walks close*