Thread 538429 on danger/u/ Loading...

| I read though an old psychological report that's lying around amongst the shit that I leave around the rooms, and well, when I got it at first, I didn't think much about it. Mainly mentioning my existentialist thoughts, how my Swedish is impaired to a degree since 2004 but it feels more recent given the time I spent in the UK studying and how much of a fucking autist I am.

I don't know why these past events in my life have led me to think like this?

| I spend too long overthinking things it distracts me from what I'm meant to do, I have school work to do, not having a debate to myself.

| I just wish that I wasn't like this sometimes.

| Haven't engaged in self harm, but rather engage in fights with a punching bag and screaming at the top of my lungs because shit's really that bad apparently.

| Often when people piss me off, I've no further interest in discussing anything with them, recently said I don't want to deal with one guy because of how our interests don't match up.

| I've had to physically remove someone without hitting anyone just so I could be left alone, back when that happened I probably haven't spoken to her at all for at least 3 days.

Haven't answered texts, rejected all calls during that time period and just wanted to avoid being within the same room as her.

| I guess I don't consider myself as depressed, just more of a "thought criminal", I guess one could say.

My thoughts and opinions are just a clusterfuck of different ideas and other things.

| I just think too much about things, and sometimes just repeat the same shit to myself over and over for some bloody reason, I've no clue why.

| I'm just sat in my room right now staring out of the window into the silent night, where the town I live in has practically fallen asleep.

| I guess, in a way, I feel comfortable this way, but with how shite I am at IRL social interactions, just sometimes I wish it was different.

| There was this talk about me moving house later this month, but I feel like I don't really want to.

| Oh, my laptop is a pile of stinking horse shite too, because it frequently overhears and honestly isn't as good as it was 4-5 years ago, fucking shit cost me 850 euros.

| Back to >>538445, I don't really want to move with mum because I feel like she doesn't fully understand how my life is being a fucking autist who rarely interacts with people and spends excessive time playing shitty games on my phone.

| I feel worn out sometimes, my right knee sometimes hurts because I damaged it in a skiing accident back in 2014(?). But also because I have to argue to get my points across and I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall.

| I'd say that the knee is worse, but if shit really doesn't improve I'd have to go for an operation, last bloody thing I need. Working my arse off to make sure my knee is fine, only for the effort to be worthless.

| That'd be the "fuck you" from life I suppose.

| Now I'm referencing to old posts.
This time >>538446
Was watching The Foreigner, until VLC just froze and the computer just shut down because it overheated, again, frequent problem, and it deserves to rust at the scrap heap.

Maybe I can recover the hard drive but anything else is likely fucked up beyond use because of the intensive usage I've put it though the years.

| Turns out my eyesight close up is fucking shit too, have to get a new pair of prescription varifocals which I haven't had before, meaning that the shitty laptops school provides have way too small screens which basically feels like further reason to get a laptop that supports at least 1920x1080.

| I had a Lenovo laptop that actually did really fucking well for £400. Shame it was a British layout for the keyboard, not gonna carry around a keyboard wherever I go.

| I3 processor, I think 4gb RAM, no other fancy shit like graphic cards or of the sort.

| I guess life is just such a grey area for me right now, still deciding on what I want to do with my life, trying to find some purpose, or what remains of it.

| I think I'll sleep on it for the time being, I don't expect anyone to reply and I won't be too careless about information unless it's relevant if people ask me questions.

| Yo are you my lost twin?? Like damn I can't tell if I wrote some of this or not lol

| Is this an ARG?

| I relate to this so much. I hope it'll get better for you

| >>538505 perhaps
>>538558 I felt like getting this off of my chest since it was bugging me for a while, life isn't so dystopian as one makes it out to be.
>>538525 what

| >>538454 also, the movie was sort of shocking, but at the same time pretty good, it's about how Minh Quan (Jackie Chan) goes up against the IRA in order to get revenge after losing her daughter in an IRA bombing.

| Now I'm just sat at school achieving nothing because I feel kinda useless.

| Well, got fuck all done at school today, should've spoken with the teachers but I just don't have it in me because I feel like I'm being a burden.

| I mean, maybe I'm like this because I just haven't had social connections of any kind outside of school and when I do, it's only in the UK, even then, I guess that it's slowly starting to fade away. Question is, when will it completely fade?

| I've generally low confidence in some things and don't do shit like dancing in public or anything like that. The only activity I do that's probably considered social is bowling down at the local bowling alley.

| I think that's maybe the only thing I find fun since it could be such a fucking rollercoaster of emotions as you line up for the perfect shot, only for 1 pin left to be standing.

| Referring to >>538429

I have too much of a problem bottling feelings until I reach breaking point, I think a part of this was brought on mainly because of the social environment I grew up in or something of that caliber.

| Hmm, I feel more normal, I suppose, schoolwork still at a standstill. Should really talk to them about problems instead of random people on the internet.