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Motivate me kms
| I don't know if i really wanna hear any support or smth. I just regret me being me and not having guts.
Lying in my bad for 4 day straight now, barely can get up. Bandaged arm, but it wont help, wound like this needs to be sewed up.
Fuck, i should've use drugs.
Sorry if it's not appropriate for the site.
| Funny how im fucking everything up despite invested effort. Worked hard af to get to her, changed my life at some point. I loved her and she loved me. Then everything started to falling apart and i made it worse trying to collect the fragments.
I just wanted to be a happy man, and wanted her to be a happy girl.
It all was in vain, but i don't feel regret. Best year of my life.
| I really don't wanna to go through this life any further, but i just can't make the final step. Love my family and friends and it definitely will not make their life better. But i can't help it, i-m stuck.
Sometimes i trying to get up to clean the blood on floor, just so i don't get caught. But i return to bed after 20 secs on my feet. It's all meaningless bullshit.
Sometimes i putting in the noose and sitting in the window my legs in air. And feel that i am a fucking pussy.
| I think i can get prescriptive sleep drugs, but ut will take some time. I don't want to spend it.
| And now it's just another suicide thread. Nothing meaningful or interesting. Sorry for bringing it here.
I've done too many things that disappoint me or people who i fear be disappointed.
Fuck, i need to do it.
| I guess I am only saying this to prove myself that I'm not that bad but:
The darkest night is right before the sunrise. You need to prove yourself you are not a pussy and capable of moving on despite anything. You sure won't be the same anymore, but it's still worthy experience. So come on, pull yourself together because you're still not hopeless, you are still a human being and not a pile of trash. I believe in this and I believe in you
| >>519262
buddy your words are metaphorically sweating "i've never been suicidal" so much that i can almost smell it from from where i'm at
OP tell me the reason why, you've been super vague and said concretely fuckall which reflects your globalizing and dramatizing state of mind. make a bullet list of things pushing you over.
or don't, your fucking choice, i just think you're being stupid, that's all.
| >>519270
Sure i stupid. Only fucked up people like me can't enjoy their life and crying about it on some boards
>bullet list
1. I always fuck up everything i gain through hardships.
2. Fate always seems to take worst root possible.
3. I always disappoint people that i don't want to.
4. There are little to no things i can truly enjoy or be interested in.
It's pretty standard, as you see. I just can't cope that it all happened with only thing i was ever motivated by.
| >>519285
I thought i've changed my course of life then. Everything will ve different and i'll be better.
"Lol nope" said life and struck all my crystal castles down. Everything happend as it always happens. And i'm the same person now, and perspectives of my future life making me puke.
I hate everything for how it all boring and blend. I don't want to study, i don't want to work, i don't want to have fun.
I don't really want to die, but i don't want to live like this. It's Hell.
| >>519285
1. and 2. well turns out, buddy, that that can fucking happen. my advice is to grit your teeth and keep trying, there are many people that get fucked out there every day.
3. if they're not good enough to understand that you didn't mean to, then they don't matter. people that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind.
4. me too buddy, but i don't kill myself over it. i'd suggest getting a hobby or playing the life game, but hell, i can't find a hobby myself heh.
| >>519287
also trust me when i say this: you haven't seen hell. there are some sorts of hell on earth and if you'd have witnessed them you would not be able to form a coherent thought right now.
honestly the worst thing about your life seems to be your mindset.
you're a dramatizing fatalist with negativity glasses on.
keep fucking working it. life can't be that retarded that it invariably fucks you over, at some point, something's got to give way.
| you know in my opinion you're just overwhelmed... i see that you want to pussy out using suicide (which you can if you want, but is just stupid to do, also your perspective on things seems to be tainted and obscured, are you thinking straight?) it's not courageous to off yourself, yeah perhaps it takes some grit to pull off, but keeping your head straight is the more honorable thing to do here. idk man it just sounds like you're mentally obscured and just jumped on suicide quickly
| i'm still writing lol... just goes to show that i care about you OP, and i don't see anybody else here... you have friends and family too ffs, they're support, go to them...
even if they're useless at least you have people near you, i got nobody.
at the end of the day i think it's wasteful for you to die. also perhaps you don't know it yourself but maybe maybe you're fishing for attention here.
or perhaps not and you're the real dealo. fuck i wish you were in the same room as me
|
i know misery is not a contest but some people have it worse off... i just saw a video of a brazilian prison where some guys pulled another guy's arms through the bars and broke both of them many times with sticks. afterwards they went in the cell, grabbed both his arms, and started wobbling them up and down. the guy kept screaming and praying... you could see blood on his arms because the fractures were open wounds. at least you're not that guy, right?
| honestly you should tell me more about you so that i really know what's up. stop focusing on annoying emotions and tell me things matter-of-factly. it's so easier when you see what is wrong and lay out what you might be able to do to fix things. and if you can't fix it then don't fucking worry about it, why the hell should you.
tbh i think you're having a dramatic response to something.
real men dust themselves off and keep walking (even though they may cry a little, granted)
| >people that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind
She forgave me so much, but this was over the limit. Can't blame her, but it hurts nevertheless.
>you're a dramatizing fatalist with negativity glasses on.
Think you're right, but i feel i can't change it. I tried, but here am i.
>also trust me when i say this: you haven't seen hell
I know it always can get much worse and i'm not on the deepest circle, but still.
| >honestly you should tell me more about you so that i really know what's up
Well, its a long story. Basically, always was bored lazy depressed fuck that wastes his potential. Met this one girl on the internet. Helped her out of her depression, she's done same to me. Mobilised all my resources and surprised her getting in unvirsity in her city. Spent summer together, then i fucked big time. Specifics don't matter.
...
| >>519304
>hurts nevertheless
it be like that sometimes
>feel like i can't change it
well not with that attitude. you are the person that's the best at holding yourself back. you're an expert at it. in fact it's perhaps the only person that can really do it.
but you know beyond the motivational bullshit you just gotta remember: probably none of this garbage will even matter next year. and no, it's not because you're gonna off yourself... stop being negative. just stop caring.
| >>519307
well hey at least you've done more than me. sounds like most of your accomplishments only crash when you surrender to depression... i'm also a bored lazy depressed fuck wasting his potential. observe your thought pattern, i've got a picture about it, i'll see if i can find it. still need more context though
| ...
She told she can't love me as she used to anymore, and she wasn't happy about it at all.
Tried to fix it all, but failed. Thought of suicide if i can't find other solution. I couldn't.
Planned to do in this New Year. Got drunk and started to goodbye friends and family. Someone told her and she came over to save me.
She was blocking my way to window and i pushed her off. Can't remember rest of that night.
When i got up she's gone.
... >>519307
| Texted her to know why she's gone.
She said i yelled at her, accodently hit her and started to manipulate her in "if you leave i'll die" manner. Then she said it was over the limit and bid farewell.
Still half drunk then, i tried to do it but couldn't. Cut my arm pretty hard but missed the vein. So when i opened my eyes after that and saw i still alive.
That's how it is. I'm dumb motherfucker who destroyed everything he gained. Sick of myself.
| https://kvnzb.files.wordpress.com/2017/06/img_6568-1.jpg found it. i'm just trying to help you know.
>>519311
see, it's all this about "the only way" bollocks... she didn't want you to off yourself and even though she's out of love she prolly just wants the best for you. i think you're a good person, you see. you're invested in external stuff. my solution was to stop caring about the rest of them all... hold on New replies detected popped up...
| >>519313
i think she knows she's just toxic around you and hopes you'll tough it out. you're only dumb if you don't learn of your experiences. fucking shake yourself and carry on.. the best thing you can do, put one foot in front of the other.
become a better person or some shit. i don't know if you're dumb and i don't really care that much; just stop having emotional reactions (somehow) and walk this mile until you're out i guess. you're not a disaster. your negative thinking is..
| >my solution was to stop caring
I see and i know how it works. It was my mindset before i met her. I just don't want to degrade to this after all what happened.
And you know what? I am degrading right now.
I put more thought in why i didn't end it. Think all my true emotions died when we broke up in August. Was shaking like hell then. Couldn't stop tears. But i got myself together and decided i'll fix it all. Didn't worked out.
...
| So i was thinking about suicide more rationally the emotionally, and this is why i couldnt do it. Have to have some strong emotions in you to make final step. I tried to squeeze it, but broke everything completely.
Thing is, as you might see, i like emotions. I really do. But i hate when i can't tell whether i feel them or not.
I KNOW that there's family and friends that care. But i don't feel. It doesn't make me feel good.
| >>519318
get back to it hun. stop thinking in emotions and start thinking in factual matters. list the problems, list the potential options, write out how you might proceed, then detail that shit and choose your adventure...
i'm not talking about negative carelessness, more like the positive version. but yeah i don't really know to be honest, people are unique and i really want to have a one on one with you now. you're probably hundreds of kilometers away too...
| >>519321
you never think rationally when you're in emotional distress. your emotions get fucked and bump up and down sometimes. this may change over time. i suggest something you may not like to hear, but get a therapist... a good one, with a fucking solid diploma... it does fix things, it's not just a meme. you're tying to force yourself into offing yourself but perhaps you don't even really want to... i think you just want a clean slate to start off anew from. do you?
| eh i gotta sleep at any rate bud, and you should too...
don't listen to too much depressing shit okay? work out, go outside and rub the trees, live healthy and do a nofap... i'm in a shit position too and tbh i don't really know what to do so i might be a bad preacher. but i've learned how to manage. do something with your hands and don't get stuck on anything. i feel fucking sorry that i can't irl talk with you because i could have known how to solidly put you together for good.
| >>519322
St. Petersburg if it matters.
Can't work with things if i don't see meaning in them, and i don't see it often.
>>519323
Maybe you're about ups and downs.
Not anew, i wasted myself too much for this. To star over? 100 times yes, where do i load savefile?
Sadly, i just can't afford course with therapist. But i have prescription for some antidepressants. Don't want to take it, tbh.
| >>519378
Indeed. But now i can hardly operate my left arm. Have to think about some other variants.
| >>519381 train. Remember to put your neck on the rail head. I've seen a few people with only the upper part of the body but still alive.
| Mother sent me to hell and said she won't regret if i do it. Just as she did. Eh, think now i don't have much choice.
Shame i've been waiting for so long.
| >>519428
She probably doesn't really mean it. You said she took a plane to see you, so she cares about you, right?
Also, to >>713322
Oh, you don't even know. I lived through some shit and I'm just trying to say something that could have helped me not make some mistakes
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| The story:
>My mom is on the plane tonight, rushing to come over 7000km away to me coz i failed suicide attempt.
And i hurt my dearest this New Year, while was drunk. We broke up a while ago, but she came that night coz someone told her i planned suicide. I was an important person to her even then, and now she left me completely.
And the worst part, i'm too pussy to end it all.
Man, feels terrible