Thread 421617 on danger/u/ Loading...

| I often got misunderstood because of this. Like people try to read my mind and make guess instead of actually listening to what I said.

For example, I was asked at a job training place what work I want and I said "Something simple." The person who asked accused me of not wanting to be here, which felt like it came out of nowhere.

Then there's my sister who thought I didn't listen to her, even though I directly answered her and repeated back her question too.

What gives?!

| I understand, I especially hate when people hide the meaning of what they want under these subtle cues

| Several reasons. People lie and hide how they feel sometimes, so they try to find out when they're being bamboozled. Also, when done purposefully, it's usually more fun than being straightforward.

| For most people nonverbal cues is just as valid as verbal cues; for some people, like those with social anxiety or speech problem, it's even more valid.

It's not that people want to hide things, but some things are just hard to describe with words. You know how one language might have words that untranslateable to another language? Nonverbal cues are just like that.

| >>421691 So far I only understand nonverbal communication can work for a general feeling or mood. But not when it comes to actually telling someone what happened or what I'm thinking. Things get even confusing when you thrown in cultural context like hand gedtures, because it's somehow assumed they're supposed to be universal.

| >>421722 You can tell a lot with just "general mood"!

Like, someone is telling you something completely mundane like losing their socks, but their expression indicate that it made them really sad. Therefore you can tell that the socks is something precious to them, and thus replying nonchalantly that they should just "buy another socks" might be hurtful.

| As for why they aren't telling you outright that the socks are precious, maybe they find it a bit embarassing and is hoping you won't make a big deal out of it.

This might sound like uber complicated, and I can totally understand if you have trouble wrapping your head around it. But some of us take these kinds of interaction for granted, and sometimes it just slips our mind that not everyone might understand it.

| >>421750 That really does sound uber complicated. Sure it makes sense, but part of why I probably wouldn't get it on my own is because there's more than one way to interpret that scenario. Like if the person feels sad because of something else recent that's unrelated to socks and they haven't changed their mood yet.

It's why I like specifity. Miscommunication can occur if there's more than one interpretation.

| People rely on non-verbal vues because it's not acceptable to state your opinion about everything at all times, so you attempt to communicate it in a way that people understand, but also is plausibly deniable.

If I don't like someone and I want them to know, I don't make eye contact with them while they talk, but if I get called out on it then I can just say I was distracted

| >>421931 How does avoiding eye contact translate to "I don't like you"? At face value, it's just looking in another direction.

I often got called out for not looking, but part of that is because no one taught me. Plus, trying to focus on the eyes is distracting and/or annoying.

| It's just a human thing, it doesn't really have to make sense
It's like questioning a language

Also I have a problem with focusing on eyes too, so don't worry, you're not the only one
Usually, if people get to know you better, they'll learn that this is just how you are and that you don't have bad intentions

In important situations like job interviews, you should at least try to look at the person and from time to time in their eyes, even if it's hard

| >>421941 when I was younger I got called out for starting at the floor while people were talking a lot, it helped me to process what they were saying but I did eventually learn to look at the bridge of their nose

| one reason. people are retarded.

| >>422188 Yeah I just look at parts of people's faces too. Still a hassle when it's a conscious effort. I just wish it wasn't such a big deal in western culture.