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Bad thing makes me feel alive
| AND EVENTHOUGH I CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY DO THINGS I ENJOY I DON'T FEEL GUILTY OR WRONG OR BAD OR ARGHHH. I remember when I was sociophobic depressed idiot I worried about stupid things like "oh that girls are definitely laughing at me I want to die" but now I'm just some kind of chad. When I was depressed I even had second voice in my head. It constantly argued with me about anything. When I thought " it's okay" it yelled "ITS FUCKING NOT YOU MORON" and vice versa.
| I just want an excuse to suffer. I guess I've changed? Maybe that's why I'm not satisfied? All I wanted back then was a girl who'd like me for who I am (lazy sociophobic shy intellegent stupid fuck) so we could just do our things together and enjoy ourselves. But now I'm not myself anymore? Now I'm a Chad not a virgin but why does it feel so wrong?
| change is hard for most. also #firstworldproblems.
| Sound like a ntr degenerate.
Really tho that's like 5 red flags in 2 replies
| I feel the same way sometimes, but only because of the adrenaline rush. I've been experiencing the exact opposite of what you've been going through, where I've become more alienated and lonely. I've always been somewhat antisocial, but I had friends and a few gfs in highschool (granted the relationships w/ gfs always ended quickly b/c of antisocial tendencies). Now in college, I can't name a single person I hang out with or could call a friend, and it's starting to hurt my studies.
| >>415746
Explain
>>415753
I've experienced same things. I guess I just hanged out with my old school friends and then I somehow found new friends. That's how I've changed I guess
| Oh, also paranoid thoughts are fun. Damn I miss those times...
| Bump. Let's talk about my stupid problems. Also there's thread that made me realized that I too wish I was born a girl. Because you know if I was a girl I could be an autist and have a lover and have no problems in society because and have beatiful female body and hormones.
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| But I feel great. Fuck. I want to have depression or crush or something that'll keep me worried. Bad things happen sure. Some of them even are somewhat of leitmotif of my life. But I somehow ended up feeling optimistic or neutral towards anything bad. Most good things (my brand new first gf for example) are not so exciting or fun or anything. Only exciting thing I enjoy in my life rn is math (and education in general) but I don't even study it so well (cause of my procrastination)