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How can anybody act in a sexually playful way...
| >meirl
| I think the times are just changing. Not all of us are comfortable being called out by a stranger or put in the spotlight like that, and that's completely ok. Lots of girls now like to dress up for themselves, not to impress others, and that's great too.
What's not okay is when people act like society is collapsing and feminists are taking over or some shit. Those people in my experience continue to push that boundary as an anti-SJW act I guess? I dunno.
| I don't think the right things to do changed, there's just more pressure to be appropriate - it depends on context. So OP's example, i don't think there's nec. a problem with saying a woman (or man) is pretty, say to your friends at a party or if you're flirting with them and they're into it. But it'd be a bit weird to even comment on if they're just in a professional context or something, and 'complimenting'/catcalling random passing people on their looks always was creepy af
| >>404353 +1, it's all about context
in a professional/even casual setting like walking down the street, it's inappropriate bc she's just minding her own business. and catcalling kind of puts her in a bad place too - if she doesnt respond, she's a bitch. if she does respond by showing the smallest response like smililing, he might see it as an invitation when she just wants to go about her day. i've seen this one a lot.
| >>404392 >>404353
I've never catcalled on anybody, I don't make profanity-laden comments, I don't try to hit on people that need to go about their own business.
Still the constant drilling has me super paranoid in any relevant situation unless there's some super indirect legit reason (those are cool overalls, nice hair, etc)
Like okay, there's enough gropey dangerous guys to justify it, but goddamn FML if it isn't a source of cognitive dissonance.
| >>404459 same
Tinder and stuff helps, but even on a date it's hard to make the first move. Not because I'm shy. But because I don't want to create a trauma for them.
When they touch my pipi it's ok.
Even in a non date situation I get my pipi grabbed but can see that I send the false signals.
But I couldn't just do the first move. Because I don't want to be a toxic masculinity boi.
Some do it, and sometimes it works and sometimes they are called rapists.
But that's not me.
| tbh relationships are always awkward during the first few dates. nothing to be afraid of.
| No, no, no. That's not how it is at all. It's all about boundries and context. Telling your coworker her ass looks juicy at a work meeting is completely inappropriate. Telling a girl at the club you're dancing with that she's got a great body is not inaproppriate.
You need to advance at the right pace for the situation you're in, and the person you're talking to. If someone complemented my ass anywhere I'd appreciate it, but not all people like it. Some people get scared or offend
| >>404541
I wouldn't ever do such a thing in a formal setting... or out of it, you just don't go around calling other's bodyparts "juicy" unless you're really fucking close with them.
>Telling a girl at the club you're dancing with
Pffft. I can't dance at all. Even having people dancing near me makes me uncomfortable as fuck. If someone tries to drag me into dancing I'm liable to get very very angry at them.
| >>404678 it doesn't have to be dancing, that's just my example. The main thing is just making sure you're being appropriate to your circumstances, and the person. I wouldn't try being flirty with those christian types, say, but a lot of girls are more openly sexual with their personality and won't mind.
Basically, just who you say it to and when you say it matter just as much as what you say, it only comes off as rapey if you're in the wrong place for it, or the girl isn't down.
| A lot of this comes down to body language and social cues that you can't really teach- they're mostly learned via experience. Though generally if you can tell that someone's into you, and vice versa, you can decide for yourself how much you want to flirt.
Rejection's part of that experience.
| >>404695
I can usually tell when somebody is into somebody else no problem at all. Not the same when I'm part of the equation.
I'm not talking only about rejection, I'm also talking about stiffness even within acceptance.
>you can decide for yourself how much you want to flirt.
Usually I just make it painfully clear that I fancy someone, especially when I know from the outset that there's 0% chance because that doesn't give me hard feelings and prevents it from festering.
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| ...when every unsolicited or not explicitly consented to sexual advance is considered rape or rapey?
Don't get me wrong, I *AGREE* with that. I certainly don't want anybody touching me without my permission.
But I don't even comment on pretty girls anymore. I do comment on handsome boys because that isn't frowned upon as much.
The question is, how can anybody be spontaneous to any degree when the only thing that's not evil is exactly only what's explicitly allowed?