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just some thoughts
| When I'm starting to talk about my feelings she lowers down on my position and wants me to reassure her being, her feelings, and everything else. Its hard and hurtful. The other times she just responses with anger or sadness, which makes me feel like I'm being conditioned to not express my feelings. It seems like I have to take the position of her father, while getting abused-like from a child which doesn't know any better.
| She says she doesn't want to think about her inner being but doesn't understand that I don't want her to express it to me. I want her to change her being in the material world. But she doesn't. Which is why I tried again and again to stop the contact with her-but every time I do she shows her best side and tries to be really nice and sweet. And as soon as I'm back into contact with her the same old shit begins.
| You probably know the Far Cry quote where the one guy says something like "You know what real madness is? Doing the same and same thing over and over while expecting that something changes". I tried to change my approach, but fundamentally I'm doing the same. And since years my mom responses with nothing. Or when she responses with anything its with anger, sadness or just "I don't know why I'm so shitty to you" (literally).
| She doesn't ever talk about herself or about her feelings or past. I don't know who she was or why she is. Everything I know I know from me analyzing her and reading her feelings shining through. Also though trial and error where I try to avoid getting her unreasonable anger all over me.
She doesn't even trust me. While I followed all her authoritative rules and approaches. While her friends looked at me with a melancholic look, hoping that I was doing fine under her.
| But I don't want her to trust me, to be always nice, or to talk about herself sometimes. I just don't want to be in such an abusive relationship. I just grasp for straws.
| I was already away from her, I already had/have depression, wasted my youth, created panic attacks and anxiety. I tried to follow the path of the state, to be in youth programs and shit. But not even that help, I followed the rules while not getting anything in return. Other people fucked up in there and got all the help they needed.
I know, (through psychologists) that I sound like I'm having a victim complex.
| But I also know through myself that my feelings are somewhat valid, and ok to acknowledge as they are.
| If you become your mom's dad, you are your own grandpa
| Best thing to do would be to look for a psychologist, since we're not really experts, but try talking to her about ur feelings
| >>238769 there is not much change to expect from such talks. This is emotional reactions which defy logic and reason.
OP will have to persevere forging his own character by perseverance and deciding what is best by studing the world around. Having calm and learned people around helps a lot. Personality is something that grows and develops with time and by society around you, to a great extent.
| I sympathise OP, although different circumstances. I've sort of been forced to step into my fathers shoes. Even as a parent. Not as abusive though.
I'll give the generic but correct response of seeking a psychologist.
Other than that. Just lay it out for her as you have here. Fuckin rough shit man. I wish there was a magic bullet for this.
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| My mom wants me be her dad. Psychological speaking. As a single mother she broke down with the responsibility of having the position from top to bottom. Her father died when she was 7, which may be the reason for her being like she is. Like not being able to take a fathering position above me. Like a position of reassuring me and being a moral compass. The only time she takes a authoritative approach is when she is abusive and angry.