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I don't know if this good place to talk about this
| and tons of other shit things that I went through. I just lost the energy to try anymore you know? I think I should spare myself the trouble and stress and end myself. I've tried so hard and so much and got barely nothing, I'm doing my second college and became a IT intern but so far I've been paid to do nothing, and been getting really tired even so. Now I'm lunch hour in a vegetarian restaurant thinking about the test I have tonight and other troubles and problems to come.
| I struggled towards the end of last year. I had a shit tonne of work and I neglected to maintain any of the friendships I had. I gained a lot of guidance when I started listening to Alan Watts and Terence McKenna lectures...
| ...I don't know what impact it will have on you as the situation I was in was probably easier to come out of than what you are in but it's the small steps you take to improve your life that count.
Here are a few links as a jumping off point, but definitely explore some more.
https://tinyurl.com/TerenceTrustYourself
https://tinyurl.com/AlanWattsTheGame
| Thanks I will check it out this weekend.
| NP, have a good weekend.
| Sorry to hear that OP, hope your life gets better
| Are you from Russia?
| Nope, not Russia.
| Any other formerly soviet country?
| Nope none of them.
| Someone called the place I worked at and as it turned out it was someone I knew but I couldn't fucking recognise him because he sounded drunk as fuck.
I let food outside for him since it was like 9-10pm when I left it for him, fucking hell, he looked like shit.
What I'm trying to say is that everyone goes through shit times, it's up to you to make the best of it.
| >>225920 Thanks, it's just that I had barely any good time at all and that is horrible. I'm getting way too old to follow some of my dreams. I wanted to go some other country, to study and work, to live basically, aparrently I'm entitled to portuguese citizenship, that would make me an european citizenship, I'm looking that up. I know I will have to deal with a good amount of xenophobia, with all that "you are stealling jobs" but at same time "you don't work and just want wellfare"
| And what I want is to have a decent life like everybody else. And I, getting too old to make news friends I think, and too insecure to search for a relationship properly, there are barely no women in IT, so since I study and work in that area, I unfortunately don't meet much, and I just wanted to you know, do the stupid teenager shit that I didn't when I was younger like drink,do stupid shit and sex without compromise I think.
| 24 years is not too old to turn your life around.
There may be times where you have to give up old dreams, and you might even have to find new dreams and desires. In other words you would need to change, you might want to set yourself a new goal. It doesn't have to be anything too amazing. Your goals can be something like spending time with people you know, go to the gym, get out of bed, get proper sleep. Success is relative, and it changes from person to person...
| That's why comparing yourself to others is wasted energy. You live the life that you live, and that's all there is to it. We all have different starting points, so we have to find ways to make the best out of what we have.
Don't care for what others think, you know why you want to go to other countries better than other people. You know you're not there just because you want the welfare.
| It's never too late to make friends. "Every stranger is a friend you haven't met", what I mean is that you have to take the initiative to talk with someone, ask if they want to spend some time together, if you have any common interests to talk about etc. Doing anything to make friends is more effective than doing nothing!
| As for why you're tired, I'd have to know more to make any guesses. For example, what do you do when you're not working or studying? Do you train or do any physical activities? Knowing about the childhood you had, it might be good to talk to a professional therapist about it.
| >>226654 I know we're two anons on a message board but sometimes you have to take control of your life, otherwise you'll be left to your own devices if you end up being too reliant on friends and family.
| I'm worried for you OP. I think seeing a therapist would be pretty good for your health. I was pretty much an emotional wreck until I saw one and they helped me figure my life out. Meanwhile you are still young! 24 is a great time to start fresh and get out there!
I'm really bad with people so I'm sorry if I said something that hurts more than it helps but I just want you to know it's not too late to try and make a better life for yourself.
| >>232224
Mm, the thing with therapists is, you have to either get lucky or be extremely persistent to find one that suits you. Even then, there might not be one around. I've been to quite a few therapists and not one could help me.
| >>1f6b1b Thanks for the kind and inteligent words. Let's see, it's kinda hard not to make any comparisons, it's not like I want to it's that they mostly come at me, and believe me I most of the time don't care about others think but, there some cases here and there or people I have to interact like a coworker or something, in these cases, I don't know what I can do about it. Yeah you're right, I've been trying to reach and old coworker here or there to talk and
| I'm going to use my OKC profile to...I don't know... try anything? It has not been to sucessfull so far but have new plans for the next week after my tests and presetation. For why I'm tired there are two reasons, first is transportation, I live in the extreme east part of my town, the poorest and my fulled with criminality, but I study and work in the greastest avenue of the city, it's downtown I take an average of 1:30 to 1:50 to get there and trasportation is incredibly shitty
| and there is mental exaustation, I have hard time focusing or finding the will to do anything, yet I read tons of pdf/docx files with networks instruction manuals and trying not to get to sleep. I went to the gym way back in the last year but then, I started this new college and got a shitty job in a call center in Apple Care by a third party company, the wage was decent but not really good but I was able to get by, the problem was the logistics, between my working hours andcollege
| for 6 to 7 months I ended up sleeping less than 4 hours per day, there were times I tought I would pass out but I got this intership now with better working hours so I can sleep, I want to go to the gym I just have to see a good place and a decent planning about. And what I do in my free time is basically gamming, in every device possible, mobile, my lame pc, and my brother's xbox one. I love video games, been playing since I was 3. Most of this lame english, they taught me there.
| >>c3412f >>cd883b >>b917b5 Believe me I'm being trying to take control of my life since always, but when you are born fucked in a fucked place in never that easy. I'm not too reliant on my family or friends, tbh I haven't seen my friends since new year. Thanks for caring and thanks for the therapist suggestion I tought about it and the problem is my lack of free time and fear of not finding the right person, I'm not special or better but I'm different from most folks here
| I mean in a cultural sense, I'm an atheist in a most religious country most folks here are christians cathollic or e protestant, I'm sinical, I don't want children or like soccer (it was a religion in this shitty country, it's not as strong as it was in the 90's or early 2000's, but it is still strong around here) I don't know if I have the time or will find someone who can respect or understand my world view. Maybe something online could do it? I think I will check it out.
| Sorry for the long text, I tought I should be precise but, I didn't knew how to do that while being brief so, I'm sorry.
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| I don't know how to put ir properly but I had a shitty life, not only talking about being born poor in a third world country, I'm talking about a fucked up childhood with an alcoholic father beating me up for no reason, bullying calling me all sorts of things, humiliations and stuff, failure in academics did an entire course and never got anything in the are cuz fucked economics in this sorry excuse for a country, 24 and never had a relationship (continue later)