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How do I handle these confusing feelings?
| What is also kinda scary is that she's going to visit the city where I live in summer. And I've been thinking that when she's here I should hang out with her for a week or so and then make up my mind of whether or not I should tell her what I feel and what I think. But the problem is, I kinda just wanna do it now. It feels like I'm gonna explode if I don't tell SOMEONE about what I'm experiencing, so I guess that's what I'm doing here.
| I'm also not really sure, but for some time now I've had a feeling that she knows that I like her. Especially since today she kinda half-jokingly said that maybe I should ask her out on a date when she gets here if I really wanna see that pretty dress that she got that I asked her to show me. But I think she knew for a while now, just wasn't really acknowledging it head-on.
| Yeah okay I kinda regret typing this stuff out here. Buuut it did help me clear my mind, if only for a bit.
While we're at it, maybe someone has some advice on how to be more talkative and more, well, 'interesting' overall while still not being fake all around?
| I'm kinda tired right now so I'll shorten the usual antics
Ask her out in a supr romantic cliche way, be a happy couple, Dramatic romantic triangle happens, things normalize, eternal love
Kyaaaaa so much love heart emoji
| >>137640
Yeah no I don't think that TV stuff is gonna work here. Besides, the problem is not only whether or not I shoud ask her out (although that too is an important question), but also when to confess.
Also I think I'm just overcomplicating things a lot. I'm kinda prone to doing that a lot.
| I'm also going to add to this dumpster fire of a thread the fact that the feeling of not being worthy of this kind of relationship is absolutely crushing. Yes, everyone is worthy, I know. I know, and yet it's just this gnawing insecurity somewhere deep in the back of my mind, constantly there. It honestly sucks so much that I can't even sleep well at night.
| Ehh I would say ask her when she's in the city like when she joked about it. Might as well right? Though I'd say really think on whether you really like her, or just want some form of affection. On the worthiness part I know how you feel, but I have no advice for you. I also feel like my gf can and should do better, but she doesn't. But yeah just think on it a lot. Write it out, vent, do all of that.
| Yea ask her when she is there. If she already hinted you to it, that is your clue.
Do not try to be the I am so cool and interesting guy. She remembers the you of years before. Be the cheerful nice guy of always, she seems to like that particular guy. And when she is there, ask her on a date because you like her dress indeed and it now has rubbed off its atractiveness onto her. Use that dress. Sbe wants you to.
| She wants your puss puss
| Just ask her out, it's not easy to but you'll be glad you did. If she agrees, even better! If she doesn't want to, be cool about it. No matter what, this experience is good practice - it's important to let yourself be vulnerable sometimes in life, that's how you bond with others.
| Be honest. Be yourself.
Fuck long distance though.
| >>137658 I'd say go for it. Ask her out. After all, the best male/female friendships have a little bit of affection from at least one side. Just in case she won't agree, if so - it'd be even better :)
| Adviced based on the length of your post: Just don't overthink it
| >>137880
Easier said than done, honestly. Especially since this time I really, REALLY don't want to screw up. I don't think I have it in me to forgive myself this time. I guess in a way she's already very precious to me as is.
| Don't overthink it and don't put her in a pedestal, hell even making this thread shorten your chance to be a couple, just talk to her for a while and when you know she spend a unusual amount of time talking and stuff with you, ask her out.
You might be luck or you might not, either way girls know when someone think more highly of her than him.
Since she tried to find you, there's a good chance she is into you but stay friends for a while and try to pick up any signal just tobe sure
| >>137640 wow, I was bad last night....
Sorry OP, next time I'll fantasize a better shoujo manga story for you and her
| >>137911
Please don't.
>>137910
It's not really about putting her on a pedestal, really, I'm pretty sure I got rid of the rose-tinted glasses already and I acknowledge her flaws for what they are. It's just my own self-esteem issues kicking in, I think
Don't really see how posting all this lessens my chances in any way, either. I think I just simply needed to vent, it really helped me put my thoughts into place somewhat. Yeah, I suppose it would be better to still wait for a bit.
| I wonder if it would be too cheesy to just tell her how I feel on Feb 14th.
| You could mention it before that. Like talk about something that you would like to plan to do and when would that be possible. Throw in there your own sugestion that 14 probably is not a good day because she might be busy celebrating, and do this cheerfully and warm hearted. She could as well offer you the oportunity to celebrate with her. If not carry on with your benign joke and treat it like any on the spot smart comeback line and pdoceed normally.
| >>138045
The thing is, we won't really be able to plan to do anything together until we meet IRL somewhere in second half of July. But this is a pretty good idea, I'll probably give it some more thought.
| The other thing is, I have zero experience with this amorous stuff, so I fear that I might misinterpret some stuff. Whether it be taking a hint that never was there or missing an obvious hint that obviously was present. Or maybe say something myself that might be inappropriate. Idunno, this suddenly has gotten way more stressful than I ever imagined. But it's still pleasant to be in her company (even if we don't say anything for a while) and especially to make her smile at least.
| It's fine. If you screw up, you won't see her again for another what 10 years?
| >>138435
Idunno. Prolly less than that, since we mostly talk online anyways. And besides, I don't really want us to get separated like that for that long, in all honesty. But that's probably some sort of infatuation speaking for me, even though it's way too mellow and not overly idealistic enough to be infatuation.
| Based on your online conversations, do you think there's a chance she likes you?
| >>138450
There might be. Otherwise I don't think I would feel this way. As dense as I am, there were some situations similar to what I described already that might hint at her not minding going out with me. She also once said that she feels at ease in a call with me, like it's easier to talk to me, and even when we don't say anything the silence doesn't feel awkward at all. Then again, maybe she just is that sweet of a person with everyone, despite all her protests regarding that.
| >>138461
If that's the case, then just keep doing what you're doing. She seems to like that, doesn't she? Do you have a sense of humor? Does she like your jokes?
| >>138469
She seems to, yeah. Or maybe she just smiles and laughs just to be polite, I really couldn't tell you. But yeah, I can't just crack jokes 24/7, unfortunately. I can't even come up with a proper normal response sometimes, honestly speaking.
| Do not try to be the perfect, be like always as she seems to be ok with that. And do not worry much about not getting hints that are there or misinterpreting normal situations for a hint. Do what you will feel is right and that goes with the flow. If you will miss a hint she will know you did and being normal and genuine she will hint you again. ^^
There is no formula to succeed at amorous relations. You rarely convince someone to like you. Just show you like together time.
| >>138666
I know I won't be perfect, but I still want to be better. Both for her, and for myself, too. Haven't felt like that in a while.
I guess we might need more together time, too. Although we talk on skype at least once a week and just chat in texts everyday. It's just that I often don't have an option to really be in a call without any distractions. And I often fail to find something new to talk about every day. I've been wondering if something can be done about that.
| Stop worrying dammit.
| >>139368
Again, easier said than done!
Today she explicitly told me that I suck at romantic stuff and that us guys apparently only want "easy" girls and normal girls like her don't get anything. I'm not quite sure if she was joking/teasing or not but it kinda make me think. A lot. Idunno. Maybe I'm not showing enough affection? Or not doing it clearly enough? Maybe I do suck at romantic stuff. Idunno.
| The best thing I can say is: Don't try too hard
The possible result won't be as bad as you think
| >>139450
Yeah, but what if I don't try hard enough..? Idunno. It's a really and highly uncommon situation for me to be in. As in, literally the first time something like that happened in 20-ish years.
| *a really weird and...
Apparently I can't even type tonight, wew.
| Go in expecting to fail in a way so miserable that whatever other outcome is a win, for example getting dumped and hit by a truck or getting dumped and robbed by her boyfriend you didn't know she had.
| Do you think she has other guy friends who she can talk to on them same level as you?
| >>139459
That's... Uhh, how do I put it. That sounds a bit too extra. Maybe not even a bit.
>>139460
That I do not know. She does have some guy friends, although from the sound of it she doesn't talk on the same level to them (allegedly she's more comfortable with me because we were friends way back 12-ish years ago).
I think I should hold back on telling her anything yet. Venting in here kinda helped me not bottle up my thoughts entirely, and I don't want to rush things honestly.
| Especially after my blunder today (that led to the whole "you suck at romance and anyway you guys just want 'easy' girls" conversation) I think I should keep a low profile for a while.
| Yeah no we're back at having fun talking and exchanging compliments now. This is kinda getting into emotional rollecoaster territory... Well, a rather mild rollercoaster, but still. Guess I really should wait it out.
| >>139506 it's ok to back out sometimes but don't wait for too long or youay lose your last chance
I talk this from personal experience, I used to always wait for the "right moment" and always had the girl either lose interest or get another guy before I made a move
| *You may lose
| >>139508
Yeah... Exactly what I'm worried about. But still, I doubt I'll be able to make a move until I see her in person somewhere in summer. But I guess I shall see how it goes.
| >>139483
Based on this answer, it seems that you have quite an advantage over orher guys. I hope you realize this. Your foot's already in the door, so to speak.
| >>139939
This is correct in my opinion.
As about your blunder, do not worry about it too much. I guess she was indeed running a test in her mind but not for she was expecting an answer but to see your reaction.
Next time you talk ask how she is and if she is alright and all. When she asks what is the worry about, tell her you were worried whether some guy considered her easy and you worry from those who take her seriously. Test your ground if safe for 14 advances.
| She will like the attention and probably ask you why is that a problem for you. Well, because she would spending less time with you of course in that case, and you already spend the minimum of time possible.
| >>140004
>whether some guy considered her easy
No, it's actually on the contrary. From our talks she seems like a normal (albeit really nice) girl, and from what she told me that day, she doesn't think that guys want that, because guys only go for 'easy'. I tried to convince her otherwise (without being too forward), but that conversation just went nowhere.
| We talked again after that and she was musing over whether or not she should wear makeup tomorrow (she thinks she needs it in order to actually be pretty) and I under some weird unknown impulse said that I find her pretty as she is. I...*think* she liked it, but then we just ran a little back-and-forth on whether or not I should give her more compliments and laughed it off.
| Overall I think that all is going well and I should just continue with the flow. I think the initial wave of infatuation is already passing so it's easier to just go with said flow without much worry. Seems like things really will turn out fine either way.
| :3 OP, I think you should try to go confess to her without minding the crushing pressure of the ideas/fantasms you have about confessing (and if you're that stressed out about it, you can always adopt a self-depreciating-half-joking attitude, it helps a lot ^^)
^^ personally, I may be the guy another poster spoke about that ends up with the girl-you-are friend-with-for-a-long-time-but-never-dared-confess (happened twice in fact ^^), just coz I came and stated my intentions clearly
| (Whoops,sorry for late post then ^^)
| >>140031
Your post is still much appreciated.
It's not really the crushing pressure of ideas about confessing, though, but rather about what comes after. I...don't really have much experiences with relationships. So in a certain screwed up way maybe getting turned down would be better, as much as I want it to work out fine. Eh, I dunno. Like I said, I think I'll just see how this go for now. I'm pretty sure I have some time to spare at least until she comes to visit.
| You'll be fine. What is important is that she feels good and herself when speaking to you. That is no small thing.
| >>140188
Yeah. Yeah, that definitely is a good thing. After some thinking I'm coming to a conclusion that I really might be content with just that. At least for now. And maybe the further events will unfold in a more or less natural way.
| >>140217
Don't worry too much about what comes after. "Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof".
| >>140217 Yes. While I have never been in a romantic relationship, so I can't talk from experience, I do believe the whole after part is something that comes natural. I know that's a thing a lot of people worry about, you know, the whole what to do after we're together type thing, but being yourself and being honest is the most important thing.
I also think it was a good idea of you to start this thread. Talking with people always helps with problems related to mental health.
| >>140485
Mhm. As much as this thread was potentially cringey and embarassing, it really helped quite a bit. Both helpful posts from all the g/u/rls here (including you :3) and just pouring my own thoughts and feelings out, so that I don't have to deal with repercussions of bottling all that stuff up. Writing about it and rereading my own posts also helped with getting a bit more of an objective look on the whole situation.
| >>140528 That's good! And it's not embarrassing or cringy. It's normal to feel this way, and you can end up having a very hard time dealing with it if you never talk about it. You also seem like a great person, and from what you've posted about your relationship to her and your conversations and stuff, I'd say you have a pretty good chance on her. You seem to have personalities that go well together, and I'd say your biggest obstacle is probably the distance.
| >>140610
Ah... Thanks. I'm not sure if I really am as great of a person as I might've seemed here, but... Thanks.
I really hope that you're right.
And about the distance...yeah, I've been thinking a fair bit about that, too. It's unlikely that we'll be able to meet in person for more than 1-1.5 months a year, maybe half a month twice a year, and that sounds like it might be a bit painful. But I really hope that we can figure something out.
| >>140647 If it works, I think you'll figure something out. Also I don't think you are perfect our anything like that. Everyone has problems and their own pros and cons, but from your writing, the way you reply and the fact that you actually come out and started this thread, I'd say you're not all that bad. Good luck btw.
| >>141435
Nah, no worries, I did get what you meant initially. Still a little overly self-concious though, I suppose. And... Thanks again. I will most certainly need that luck.
I'm also thinking of inviting her to move in when she'll come to visit, since she doesn't have a place to stay at here and finding a place to rent is not easy here. But I don't know, seems like too bold of a move. Also kinda embarassing since I still live with my parents (who actually gave me this idea).
| But that's not gonna be a thing for a while anyways, so I guess I shouldn't worry yet. For now we'll just keep up our daily (almost daily) talks and figure this stuff out as we go. At least she seems to still enjoy doing so. And I know I do.
| Also, this is not quite as crucial of a piece of information, but sometimes during our late night talks in bed (since we're often busy balancing work and study during the day) she trails off to sleep, usually waking up 10-15 minutes later so we can say goodnight to eachother and finally go to sleep normally. And it's the cutest thing ever.
Even though sometimes I'm afraid that I'm boring enough to lull her to sleep. But I really do hope that she's just that comfortable with me.
| Welp... Today's been a bit more of a rough day for us. Apparently she's really disappointed in her other friend so she's in a bad mood now. And after asking her how to lift her mood up a bit it seems like all the ways involve actually being near her in some way. She didn't even want to talk on skype today. This... This is fine, right? I can't really fix everything. Sometimes we just gotta weather the storm and just hold on, right?
| >>141889 I agree with this person. Some days are just bad days, and you can't do/fix everything, and she knows that.
| I stopped reading at 'there is this girl'
It's not worth it, don't do it
| >>142108 Well if you actually read it the problem isn't the girl, it's him. They know each other really well, and she obviously likes him, but he's scared to confess his love for her, and he has a few self-esteem problems.
| Well then the more reason it's not gonna work. Low self-esteem affects confidence, and boy you need a lot of confidence to pull the confession off. And that's only the confession
| If she likes you and you like her then just ask her out. It's as simple as that
| If it's not meant to be then whatever, you move on
| >>142123 Seems like you have had some bad experiences, and don't come back with any "just saying it as it is" or it's "the truth" shit. Stuff is different for everyone. Read the entire thread or don't say anything. Simple as that.
| >>141889 >>142090
Mhm. It does indeed seem so. She's still not really in the mood, but we just now talked for a bit, she laughed a bit, so it's not all that bad, I think.
>>142108
This is already more worth it than most of the things I can think of. Although I do get where you're coming from, since I had a pretty similar disposition until a little while back.
(1/3)
| >>142115
Thanks for explaining the situation. Although... Is it really that obvious that she likes me, from what I've written so far? Must mean I'm a fair lot denser than I thought, haha. Or maybe it's because the idea that I can be liked (either "in that way", or, well, at all) is still kinda wild to me. Either because of purely self-esteem issues or because of not that great experiences in the past.
| >>142242 >>142269
Thanks. Will do, as long as I have any updates to post. Never thought this thread will garner as much attention, haha.
-OP, posting via PC.
| >>142120
Not always. Not much self confidence, but my gf said yes when I confessed since she already liked me. Not everything has to be done a certain way
| I don't really have anything to update on today, so I suppose I'm now just writing for the sake of writing. And not abandoning the thread, of course.
So, as I already said, no big news so far. She's still in a pretty sour mood. Even though I think I cheered her up a bit, she's just going through a bit of a rough patch, having to face some not-so-easy decisions. What kinda sucks is that she must make the choice herself and I can't be near her for direct support.
| I'd say I'm doing what I can so far, without being too clingy and overprotective..? Still, kinda not sure if I'm failing at being a good friend (and/or potential good boyfriend).
I kind of miss her already, though. And I can say for sure that I don't sleep as well without wishing her goodnight and hearing the same from her. But at least now I know I can be patient (unlike when I started this thread). So, I'll still be there for her and we'll still have our fair share of talks later
| I don't know, it's like the burning desire and need to constantly be with her has been replaced by some kind of calm assurance. Even though I still haven't told her about my feelings. But something tells me that now I don't have to (or maybe even shouldn't) rush it. If I like her (and I know I do) and she indeed likes me, then things are already developing fairly well for us.
Kinda feel like this experience has already taught me a lot about these things, and with only more to come
| Holy shit this thread really blew up
| Fam all I have to tell you is to grow some nuts and ask her out. People come and go and I can almost guarantee y'all won't be together forever. Its all about the experience. Go for it
| >>143433
It kinda did, didn't it..? Although I suppose it might mostly have something to do with my slight graphomaniacal tendencies and copious amounts of daily attempts to overanalyze my thoughts.
>>143435
I think I still will wait for her to come visit before asking her out. I think it will make things a lot less awkward, and the time before that can be used for us to grow even more accustomed to eachother.
| test
| a shameless bump bc i wanna know if op will man up enough to confess on valentines
| or ever, lawl
| >>145514
Yeah. Guess you're right.
I don't know, we still text a lot, and talk on skype almost every day, but...hmm, how do I put it... It almost feels like we grew a little more distant. Even though we did get a bit closer at the same time. We certainly became a little less talkative each, that's for sure. Well... I don't usually have much to tell, anyways.
I don't quite think I've missed my chance, but some similar thought is kinda gnawing at the back of my mind.
| >>145613 Well didn't you say she was mad at someone or something like that? Also when you live so far apart you of course can't talk all the time.
| >>146570
Yeah, but that's not the main problem here, I don't think.
Ack, I guess I'm worried over nothing again. I should just let her handle the situation on her own while still providing a shoulder to lean on, and not just try to fix everything constantly.
Being able to just vent every uncertainty here immediately sure is nice and helpful (makes it much easier to make up my mind and put everything together), but it kinda makes me look like a complete worrywart, doesn't it?
| >>146627 Yes, but that's normal. Most people worry over nothing, especially when it has to do with someone or something they care about, and since venting seems here seems to help, please continue doing it.
| (instead of wondering if you missed an opportunity on this post, or worrying over her problem with us, why don't you try to ask her what she thinks of all the questions you're asking yourself herself? :3 This could also serve as a somewhat tuned down confession too, you know (because 'tis the perfectly the day to be audacious in your relationship young g/u/rl ^^ ))
| Well, I... Uh... I guess I did it, g/u/rls! Finally told her what I think about her and what I feel. It was... Extremely embarassing, to be honest. My heart was racing like never before. But, at the same time, it was kind of "tuned down" actually, yeah. Not even sure if it sounded a full-on confession (probably not, it was more like just wishing happy valentine's), but she's pretty sharp and I believe I made myself clear enough, even though I maybe didn't state everything clearly.
| Guess that doesn't quite put us in an "official relationship" status...yet, but I'm still glad that I did what I did. Was it enough, though? I don't know. Even if it wasn't, it caused no harm, that's for sure. And again, it seems like both of us don't really wan't to rush this all too much, anyways.
| >>146638
Ah, yeah. Thought as much.
Anyways, thanks and will do!
>>147271
Maybe that wouldnt've been a bad way to do it, either. Although it does kinda sound even more embarassing, so I don't know if I could handle something like that.
| So it is now time to chill and ease out. It has already made you more confident and calm in your reactions when you talk to her.
It is now time to let the river flow and see where it leads you.
Cheers. :)
| Also, also! When we were talking for a bit afterwards it seemed like she was calling me by the diminutive form (no idea if that's what it's actually called in English, supposed to signify affection and just be more light-hearted or playful) of my name a bit more often, and even though she occasionally did it before, too, it actually almost sounded a bit differently, and I was just melting from hearing that. But maybe I'm reading into it tpo much, or I'm still high on my feels
| She was happy to hear from you what you told her, silly. That is why she did it because she did feel like she would be welcome in that shorter radius circle of your privacy.
Enjoy your happiness, both of you. In whatever stage your relationship is, it has its wonderful moments. Like now.
| >>147327
Yeah. Exactly what I plan to do now. Hopefully it will bloom into something even more beautiful. I'll try to do what I can and maybe even more for that. It...actually feels really good to feel this way, especially after a rather long period of bitterness and dissatisfaction.
>>147332
Guess she really was pretty cheerful after I "confessed". Makes me especially glad that I finally found the courage to.
Thanks a lot for the support. :3
| Oops, ID changed on PC again. That^ was OP, although I suppose it's pretty obvious, haha.
| >>147415 I'm glad that you finally did, doing it today is cheesy af, but cheesy stuff does have it's own charm. And just out of curiosity, where do you live(country)?
| Wondering because of >>147329.
| >>147420
Maybe it was slightly easier because of the cheesiness, haha. Just that little bit of a push that I was lacking, perhaps. I don't know. Maybe it would've been better to go for some less cheesy date (i.e. any day except today), but what done is done.
And, well, I'm from Ukraine.
| >>147460 Yeah. What done is done, but I don't think you did bad, and now I want to learn more about Ukraine.
| >>147485
Kinda interesting how I managed to make you curious about my country, haha. But there's not much to learn, I'm afraid.
Meanwhile, she called me again in the evening. Still sounded rather happy. Knowing that I probably contributed to that (perhaps even in a more-than-somewhat significant way) makes me really happy. Even though we're still not oficially a boyfriend and girlfriend couple per se, it feels like we did gain something very precious and very special today.
This thread is permanently archived
| There's this girl... We were playing together in summer a lot when we were little (12-15yrs ago) and she made an effort to find me online last october. We were talking on skype since then and it's been really nice. She is very gentle, sweet, caring and she laughs with me a lot which is pleasant. The problem is, I think I like her. Like, more-than-a-friend like her. But since I haven't had anyone in whole 20 years that I'm alive I fear it might be just kinda desperate affection.