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If OSes were cars
| Oh and someone keeps trying to replace the steering wheel with a Rubik's Cube.
| *presses gas pedal*
-Do you want to make changes to your machine's speed?
| iOS includes a snobby Uber driver who never has an accident but he only takes you to the places where he wants to go. He has shit taste in music, too. Since he IS the car, it is a bitch in a half to kick him out and drive for yourself, and if you do, turns out all your streets are full of Fury Road maniacs.
| The macOS car would look good but break down every week or so and need an oil change and gasoline everyday.
| The linux car is great but you have to have a bunch of bodyguards posted around it at all times because geeks can't stop surrounding and jerking themselves off over it.
|
The Linux car is a box full of shiny parts and accessories. Three spoiler kits and a turbocharger but where the fuck are the seats?
| If OSX is a car, then It just drives legally on Streets which belong to the Brand who sold the car, and you can only get fuel at their gas stations. Not to mention, that the streets are constructed by Chinese slave workers while the ideas for the Design are stolen from old science-fiction series. The marketing on the other side, sells it as the result of a technical genius mind and generates a somehow religious customer base.
| The Windows car technically becomes more and more similiar to the linux car, but there are a lot of things going on you don't know what they are good for and they are "protected" from finding it out. Also, to keep the car driving you have to put in some anal and oral plugs, penetrating you all the time (simmiliar to the mr. garrison bike from southpark).
All things the Windows-Car does in a way you don't want it to do, then you often have no choice but to live with it.
| The Android car seems okay, but all your destinations have this creepy valet who asks you if he can look in your trunk and your glovebox. Sometimes in the rearview mirror you see these guys from Get Out taking bids on you.
| There is no single "linux car"... actually there are a lot of types available, which have totally different purposes, advantages and disatvantages. There are Models that are equally or worse to Windows or OSX cars, but fortunately none of them is a "market standard". Unfortunately also the really great Linux Car Models aren't seen as alternative, as OSX and Windows car producers own the streets and gas stations and seldom allow linux car drivers to use it.
| Beat your wheel 5 times in rage
*windows lens flare*
dO yOu WaNnA TuRn On StIcKeY KeY?
| The AmigaOS comes with weird hipster options like a checkered beach ball, a ladder that goes straight up into nowhere, King Tut's mask, or a toast scented air freshener. The only available color is pure silver raytrace. It won't start unless you kick it, it only goes on roads nobody has ever heard of, and there's a little angry bald guy under the hood who won't shut up about mindfulness when you crash.
| The TempleOS car transcends time and space and instantly brings you to whenever you want
| Ubuntu OS is literally the best car, but because it doesn't have good marketing no one uses it
| NixOS is a small 50x50cm black box that let's you drop in your custom definition of what a car is. Upon inserting a paper with said definition the cube starts transforming and bootstrapping itself into the exact car you defined. It's also self healing and magically never ages.
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| The Windows car would have dash cams pointed all over it, ask you for permission to use turn signals, and keep driving itself to the garage right before you need it.