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[Livestream] You Ship It, I Brick It
| "The last place I tried to stream on had me perma-banned for self-experimentation! How was I supposed to know that upgrading my arm on-stream was the same thing as self-experimentation! It's unfair, but here we are."
> The wave a heavily augmented left arm, the bad memories just dust in the wind now
"So to all my tech-heads, welcome back to my show, 'You Ship It, I brick it!' where i try and break the things you donate in! We're on the cusp of a breakthrough, i bet!"
| "Oh! But where are my manners! You can all call me Mad Gear! The finest supplier of esoteric gear and electronics in the Western Wastes! Our episode today is gonna be special! A fan sent in something from our friends at Zaibatsu Corp: A still-working White Knight helmet!"
> They pull out a box and quickly tear it to shreds, revealing a soot-stained White Knight helmet. It's got some dents in it too
"Don't know how they got it, but this is the day's project!"
| "Oh! I forgot again! I gotta raise my production values~"
> Gear starts hitting buttons on their left arm, and the screen begins to change. A live chat feed pops up, as well as viewer count, which seems to sit at 13 for now.
"So there's the feed, so all of you can talk to me or each other!"
|
| > The feed soon cuts up into three, the chat, the tech being worked on, and screen which just says [Feed inactive]
"So first off, we're gonna get our schematics on screen! Zaibatsu is secretive as hell but I got some unencrypted docs on it!"
> The inactive feed flickers on like a primitive CRT. The screen cleans up quickly, and diagrams flood the screen.
| Aren't real white knight helmets supposed to be expensive nowadays?
| >>971505
"Oh yes they are! I think the asking price for a functional helmet is something in the low million zenny? They're not cheap!"
> The schematics shuffle to the helmet's. Many specifics that should be redacted are in full display
"We're gonna see what it takes to break one of these suckers; see if they're really as formidable as they come. The stories I've heard about these are WILD"
> They enthusiastically slam their fist on the work table. Everything shakes in frame.
| Well I guess this is one way to find out if that White Knight was actually doing its job in being good armor or not. -CN
| Jhon: What's the featureset?
| >>971670
"This chummer gets it! That's what this show is about; education! And it's fun for me"
>>971705
"What's the features onboard? This thing says it can stop Class-5 bullets, withstand two tons of crushing force, and even claims to be rated for vacuum conditions in the event of chemical attacks. The onboard electronics feature a mil-spec HUD, along with communication lines and GPS tracking. Seems a little... dark. Also says it's EMP resistant too. All bold claims."
| I once hit a WK helmet with a baseball bat in, legal, circumstances and it just broke so I must have a real good swinging arm.
| >>971772
"Well if that's the metric we got to work with, i think the physical test might come last. Gods... i don't even remember the last time i had something that fragile..."
> They trail off, tapping their chin with their human hand before snapping and getting back to their show
"Okay! We're gonna try to jailbreak this fuckin' thing then! Apparently, the OS is really funky and nobody could get these things to work... because none of them were Me"
> They give a big goofy grin
| >>971785
"All right, let's get this hooked up to a deck."
> They pull out an old cyberdeck that's been jury-rigged to have a screen attached. They fiddle with some connections and manage to get the deck and helmet to boot up.
"Nice."
> The deck's screen boots up and it runs through a number of BIOS before finding one that works for hacking. The screen launches into a logo for QUINCYsoft Lite.
| Salutations Mad Gear,
I'm sorry that I missed the start of your stream.
I couldn't find the site you moved to after your ban.
I have never missed any of your streams.
Sincerely,
MGBF
-MGBF
| Ey yo, my dealer sold me one of these once, swore its real shit and they got it off real white knight armory somewhere. I fucking shot it and the bullet whiz straight through. I looked at it and noticed its all cheap alloy and plastic cheap ass foam padding. So these things ain't shit, I say.
Actually maybe I need a new dealer.
| >>972239
"EM-EF-BEE-GEE!!!! I was wondering when you'd show up! Stay Funky you!.... whatever it is you are! Thanks for the support!"
>>972282
"Bro, not to spoil the stream, but let's just say that I don't think your dealer is the issue. I mean, just look at the deck screen"
> The QUNICYsoft Lite logo has yet to go away. It seems as if the OS has crashed on attempting to start up
"I've never heard of QUINCYsoft, so this thing HAS to be all hype and no delivery."
|
| >>972394
I believe MCLD-03 Sylph model Lilims were originally going to used a licenced version of QUINCYsoft as their internal OS but after the costs were added up of 5000 zenny per licensed user and the potential lawsuits the designers went in a different direction, thankfully.
-MGBF
| >>972623
"Sick trivia bro!! Let's see how fast we can bust this OS"
> They put on an old-school looking headset and the CRT feed switches into a decking interface. It definitely looks 2023 vintage now. They start testing the security with an ICE Breaker and the program breaks it almost immediately.
"I.... that.... that's not what's supposed to happen. This is the most basic level of... what?"
> They scrunch their face up and disconnect the deck from the helmet. They ponder.
| "Time to go with the heavy stuff then and see what i get"
> Mad Gear starts plugging wires into their arm and head and into the helmet next. The CRT now shows what a modern decking interface should be like
"All right, let's go with a breaker now."
> Their voice is a little pained, their focus is clearly split unevenly, but they're giving it their all. They start running another breaker and immediately get bombarded with cascading error messages. Their face looks even more pained
| > They start going through the process of disconnecting from the helmet as best they can. The errors won't stop cascading down, and new types keep popping up. The CRT display is going wild trying to keep up.
> After a few more moments, they give up trying to do disconnect the safe way and simply pull the cords from the helmet to their head and arm. They look incredibly pained and duck under the table as fast as they can
> Footage of a cruise ship on a river replaces the live feed
| they bricked themselves wwwwwwwwww
should i call the cops?
| > The live feed comes back on and Mad Gear is in frame, looking worse for wear.
"Okay chat, I did *not* brick myself. Just had to deal with some dumpshock there. Remember kids, don't try this at home."
> They tap a bit on their arm and the CRT begins to display a traceback of what just happened
"Okay, so going off of our little trace, we can see the major issue of why nobody can crack these things: they're SO obsolete that our modern software doesn't know what to do with them."
| >>972921
Oh good.
When I saw the cruiseliner I was worried I switched the stream on accident.
I promise to never try this at home.
-MGBF
| >>972927
"Good! Even after doing it so many times, you never really get used to any kind of dumpshock. It sucks so bad."
> They shake the sick out of their head and seem to be back to normal
"Let's see.... So this helmet is running a 64-bit processor. You know. Bleeding edge tech before any of us were fucking born. I think the latest Himura gear is rocking 8-megabits. My deck here is at 2056, so as you can tell, this shit sucks."
| I'm surprised it's not 32-bit lmao, they seem cheap enough to use those wwww
| >>973185
"No kidding. That's a question for another day. Let's get this thing on the old deck and see what the feature set is like. I'm a little terrified to see the realities of what Zaibatsu have in store for us"
> He once again hooks it up to the old deck and it boots up fine this time. The OS seems primitive in comparison to modern tech
| "Sweet. It booted so now it's time to start decompiling this dogwater OS. While it decompiles, this is where the Q and A section of the show starts! I don't know how long this is going to take, but fuck it!"
> Mad Gear sets the tech aside and an infographic displaying "Q and A" over takes the video feeds. An overlay appears over Mad Gear, looking like something out of a vintage mid 2000 talk show
"We open the floor for the Chat, as is tradition"
| Why did you start this whole breaking shit business?
| If I sent something pre-ban will it still arrive?
-MGBF
| >>974024
"Good question chat! I started because i just liked pushing anything to its absolute limit! Friends knew i was good with hot-wiring their gadgets and gizmos and then i wondered if i could heat them up til they BURST. And then we'd rebuild it! That's part of the reason why my prosthetic is so wild!"
> They show off their full left arm. It looked so highly modified that it was hard to even tell what the base was supposed to be
"There aint nothing this arm can't do"
| >>974059
"Yo Em-Eff!!! YES! Sorry, we had a situation happen to our delivery proxy and someone got geeked ALLEGEDLY but the package should be here soon. So sorry! This Helmet got delivered thru a direct drone so that's why we're viewing it today. Don't know how they even found me, truthfully. I think i know who sent it though."
> They give a thumbs up as if everything is okay
| do you only break things or can you actually build stuff?
- Rpd99
| >>974742
I have seen his arm evolve many times, a true master of their craft of breaking things and making them work again.
Also, next arm stream when.
-MGBF
| >>974742
"Oh! I mean, other than my arm, I have built stuff for friends for their work! They're mundies, so they need every single edge they can get when trying to finish their jobs, y'know? They've been surviving thanks to me!"
> He turns slightly and gets a zoom in on a plate on his arm of a stylized bird of some sort. It looks very worn but also like it's been repainted a few times"
"If you ever see a bird like this, let them know Mad Gear says 'what it do, shawty'"!
| >>974745
"Oooooh next arm stream might be in two weeks. I got some new bits from Neo-san-fran that i want to play around with, but i got to do some other streams and a job or two before that. Even I have a job outside of this stuff. But this stuff is more fun than my work. Who the hell wants to put together a custom OS for a stupid demo-box?"
| Damn, no good on x86, are you... Say, ever wanted to look at bio-locked hardware?
_Jhan
| >>974996
"Bio-locked... oh, like biometrics and stuff? CHILD'S PLAY. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!"
> They flex their still-human arm with pride. They hit the desk with their full human might and everything on the table jumps. Some of the long-time fans spam the chat with donations and esoteric memes.
"Give me any electronic lock and I'll find a way to bust it and that's a fact, Jack."
| >>975151
"The dumpshock has mostly subsided. The sub-processors in my arm generally take a bigger neural load than i do, but that just means my body feels weird. It's like.... it's like the arm goes numb, but digitally?? Like it feels like my old arm is back. My head is a lot less foggy now too"
| >>975381
"Hey hey now, we're almost there bud! Check out that hot and steamy decompiling action"
> He turns the attention to crt monitor set up. It looks like the decompiling is almost done.
"This is a hands-off kind of thing. I don't gotta use any brain for that stuff"
| >>975381
Do not rush the master.
They know more about this than you do.
I have watched every stream without fail.
-MGBF
|
| >>975631 >>975638
"Hey Hey now chat! Let's not get uncivilized just yet! That's what the afterparty streams are for, amirite???"
*The chat explodes once again in a sea of emotes, an in-joke that makes no sense to anyone who hasn't been a long-time fan*
"Now that the decompiler is all done, let's sift through this dumped data!"
*They use the old deck to dig around all of the files local to the helmet. Information on the users seems to be logged.*
| >>976478
> They start data diving, ignoring anything that looks like it would contain personal information. All in all, the system looks absolutely primitive by modern standards
"So it's basic 5G connectivity for location and communications. Pretty smart, considering very few people use those bands anymore. They're also not easy to crack with modern gear. Don't think those were chosen for that reason though; i think they just cheaped out HARDCORE. This GPS is sooooooo inaccurate"
| > A ping for a viewer-wide gift subscription for the channel goes through. Sent by BZ10. 90 months.
| > How did they manage 90 months?
| >>976982
"HEYOOOOOO THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT SUBS!!!!"
>A bunch of confetti effects rain down the screens
"Let's get back to this digging!!"
> A lot of the data is mostly boring information. Data dumps on locations, case information, nothing overly exciting or even worth noting
>>977341
"This thing is measuring my spoofed location within an accuracy of 15feet. Like, this is a JOKE. And the White Tin Soldiers were using these?? It's insane!!!"
| "As for the combat capabilities...."
> Their voice trails off as they dig some more. It takes them a little bit of time to find what they need
"Yeah there's not much? It's again, pretty basic. This OS is shit. No ammo tracking capability, a basic HUD with only a single crosshair that's not even zeroed, if this data is to be believed. Fuck i would not want to wear this. Oh, there's at least SOME amount of IFF. Zaibatsu really don't like spending money, huh?"
| > WK enlistment is starting to read like 'death wish '.
| >>977879
"Well.. about that.. it's time for the actual testing of the helmet >>>AS a helmet. The data dumps will not be hitting the public nets. If ya know y'know, y'no?"
> Another in-joke starts cascading in the chat. Cheese emojis are everywhere
"So this helmet... I ran a physical analysis of the shell and the visor, as well as the internal paddings. It's a bunch of pieces. The armor is meant to be composite. That is, it's MANY components ot the suit, not just the plate bits"
| im bored wit all dis nerd drek jus shoot it already
| >>977948
"In due time, chummer. I am NOT getting another one of these probably ever, so i kind of want to at least get some data on these yknow? Where was i... Oh yeah. Build. So, the helmet. It's plastics. Not even good composites either. Like this is largely made of shit like PVC, EPS and plexiglass. I mean we also got the components like the onboard computers that are housed in slightly more durable shell within the helmet, but this isn't sturdy. At. fucking. all."
| "Let's the mic on this helmet and toss me one of those PMC helmets from the Fall, yeah?"
> Mad Gear motions to someone off frame. A helmet flies at him and he catches it with his human arm
"Like, this helmet is made of Kevlar and ceramic composites. Listen"
> They tap is with a mic. The sound is dull. It's clearly not meant to vibrate much
"Now compare that to the White Knight's"
> They perform the same test. This sound is sharper. The sound doesn't inspire confidence
| > Viz : Bet their life insurance is shit too, if they got any. wwww
| >>978089
"The data does include next of kin and other info like that. We're scrubbing it out, of course. That's your answer for that."
> They go back to the helmet examination
"Given the stats they claim... it's got auto-expanding foams on the chest piece that's supposed to fire in sync with the helmet. So it will seal in case of emergencies... it might also suffocate the user. Harsh. That also disrupts the faraday cage lattice sandwiched in the PVC. Bad news on top of bad news"
| >>978093
So it has a built in airbag? And aren't there better alternatives to a faraday cage to protect against electric shock?
This is starting to sound too bad to be true.
| >>978351 >>978414
"Im afraid to say that it is all true. Just look at this trash! It can take a hit in the back of the head and by the ears. It looks like that's where the real electronics are stored. Thickest. Which is time to put TO THE TEST!!!"
> A siren goes off. A lot of flashes occur. A party alarm is going on. The chat explodes and the reactions don't stop pouring in. Mad Gear dances along to the siren. They have been waiting for this exact moment for a while now.
| "LET'S BRING IN THE TESTING SUPPLIES!!!!!!"
> More reactions. The screen is absolutely flooded now. They shrink as Mad Gear regains control of his stream
"Let's start out with the basics. A simple Gun. Firing class-2 bullets. These are the kind most civilians can get their hands on without resorting to extra legal means. Let's fire this fucker"
> They load the simple handgun and take aim. A muffled pop and flash. The helmet tanks the shot and bounces slightly. It looks dented.
| >>971375 >>978706
> Aeialily has joined the chat.
Did I miss the shooty part? wwww Hey, Mad Gear! Sorry to hear about the perma-ban---little stupid, though.
- Aeialily
| >>978706
I have cracked a glowstick, its the moment we have all been waiting for.
I can still claim to have seen everything get destroyed.
-MGBF
| About what I expected, if it can't stand to a handgun caliber, don't expect safety from shrapnel
_Jhon
| Mad Gear, hit it with the Raygun!
I'll shoot my laser at it!
-MGBF
| >>978711 >>979253
"RAY GUN TIME? RAYH GUN TIME. RAY GUN TIME."
> The chat is exploding at the mention of the raygun. It seems to be the most loved of the inside jokes. Mad Gear keeps chanting ray gun as they pull out a weird, cobbled together gun of some sort. It looks like it has a barrel? There is a hum and it looks like the video is being eaten by static noise. Whatever this thing is, it's using A LOT of electricity in waves.
"RAYGUNRAYGUN"
| "IT'S TIME TO FUCK THIS THING UP, FAM. WE GOT THE FUCKING RAY GUN READY."
> There is a plaque on the side of the gun-thing that says "The Raygun TM". The static noise gets more frequent as it reaches full power
"We got this stream hardwired so when the cannon goes off, it won't cut anything off. LET'S LET IT FUCKING RIP"
> A loud whine can be heard. A bright flash of light and bolt can be seen. the helmet is reduced to shards in an instant. A loud crash is heard offscreen
| >>979406
No, Mad Gear's ultimate raygun is one of a kind and impossible to reproduce, the greatest creation of all time.
-MGBF
| I tuned in at the perfect time! RAY GUN! RAY GUN!
-Awene
| >>979618
"HELL YEAH EM-BEE-EF-GEE. YOU FUCKIN KNOW IT. IT'S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO REPRODUCE BECAUSE IT'S A MAD GEAR ORIGINAL. AIN'T NOBODY FUCKIN WITH >>>MY GAUSS CANNON."
> There is an incredible amount of noise in the image. It looks like there was a large electromagnetic discharge that is now messing with the feed slightly. As the stream continues, it gradually dissipates
"That was a DEE-RECT hit with that shot. Straight bullseye. Where did the helmet go?"
| Stratospheric!
-MGBF
| >>980383
Soo fast I couldn't even tell what kind of impact it was. Check your walls for helmet shrapnel.
_Jhon
| > There is an instant replay camera slowed down to a speed slow enough that a streaking flash of light can be seen hitting the helmet. The impact seemed to be so powerful that it pulverized the helmet into tiny chunks and dust. If there was anything inside that helmet, it probably would have been also turned into nothing. Mad Gear views a second screen along with the viewers
"Holy shit. It fucking. It's gone. The helmet is... here's a fragment of it. I think? Who cares?"
| I think I'd be more concerned if it could survive a railgun shot at this range. www
-Aeialily
This thread is permanently archived
| >>>> ...:::Data integrity 87%:::...
>>>..::Initializing RedEye::..
>> .:commencing livestream:.
> A camera clicks on, the feed is established and stable. A humanoid figure steps into the frame and stir down on a chair as a table rises from below them to the perfect height to work on. Many odd tools are on the table. The grab a tablet of some sort with a heavily mechanized hand and start tapping away
"Ah... there we go. Feed's good. Hi Everyone! Glad this place let's me stream"