This thread is permanently archived
Any interesting tales to talk about?
| Kinda an old topic, but i'll play along.
So here i am, working the 9 to 5 shift at the local /burg/
When just then
like
A BUNCH OF FUCKING FURRY CHILDREN STORM INTO THE PLACE
AND THEY'RE FUCKING WILD, BUGGING THE FEW ADULTS FOR FOOD AND
ugh
fucking furries ruining everything
| Uh stories?i uh
stole 40 cakes once
I know, thats as much as 4 10s
Sorry for the terrible joke
| >>404640
What kind of "furries?"
How old?
Were they being chaperoned?
If so, what did the "parents" look like?
-Riff
| >>404664
like, all sorts of mammals and shit, some bunnies... think there was a fucking deer, badger and like, some sort of rodent? Idk
All teenagers or yunger i think, and i think their furry leader was some rando with brown hair...
why you ask?
>>404666
The one in downtown, why?
| >>404672
Oh uh..
Actually if i tell you, will you leave a good review? looking to get promoted and shit
Uh... you know the corner of 76th and 98th Quincy ave? Yeah there
time to get off my break
Ye anyway time to get off my ass
| >be me
> my day job is mostly courier service for non-lethal goods
>have a sweet gravbike that was issued to me b/c job, modding and souping it up over the years
>little brother repeatedly asks if he can use it
>ha ha no, business only man
>and the occasional hot lev tourney but shh
>break a shitty mini-las pea shooter
>not like I get jumped on a daily basis but fuck fuck fuck
>without some protection my courier days are numbered
| >Be me
>Criminal hunted down by about 12 organization, all under the same big boss
>Fuck it, going to GC, never gonna get caught harharhar
>Get here
>It's shit, but I can deal with it
>One day have a bad run out, some crazy dude in a powersuit with a fuckhuge swords block my path
>Calls me a rat
>wtf.jpx
>He cuts off my arm
>Wtf(2).jpx
>It hurts
>AAAAAAAAAAAAA.Wav
>Tall girl shows up and fights for a bit
>They move and ignore me
>Being ignored feels good
>I discovered I was a maso
| >>404700
>stash the remains in a spare ceraweave bag, it can take it
>come home bitching under my breath
>parents aren't too thrilled about me handling weapons at all so their reaction is pretty subdued
>'it's okay honey, these things aren't the best anyway'
>come on, it ain't prime quality but still
>plus I could die here
>'you're so fast on your bike, tho'
>I'm not gonna beg them to pay for my broken gun so it'll take a couple more months of pay, assuming perfect service
| >>404709
>little brother comes downstairs slowly, clinging to the banister like a secret agent prowling for intel
>which he clearly was
>innocently asks for water but I know he's planning something
>he's a fucking cat boomer btw and his ears twitch twice to the right when he's being a devious shit
>make mental note to hide the bag and lock my stuff for the 15th time
>next day
>brother keeps asking if he can use my shit, as daily
>no mention of the gun strangely enough
| >>404723
>he gets a lot of my hand me downs, so if I have ANYTHING he might want that I can't or won't use anymore, he leaps right on it even if he shouldn't
>but nothing other than "how long did you take to buy your gun"
>tell him that and the zenny amount for the hell of it, beats having to answer 20 questions with variations of 'no'
>okay anon!
>kid's not out of elementary yet, why is he acting like I just gave him a fun challenge?
| >>404736
>oh and *twitch twitch*
>'will you let me ride the bike today? You took me out last Sunday! Please?"
>too busy and drained, no
>and it's a business vehicle come on
>I use it to make MONEY
>*twitch twitch*
>couple days later lil bro keeps asking mom to bake dessert
>and obsessively watches
>tf since when did he care about cooking
>bugs mom with all sorts of questions about baking right down to bedtime
>fast forward a week later
| >>404739
>fuck, what's with all the little girls running around the house
>couple little dudes too but eh
>they're running to and fro from my house to one of the houses down by the corner
>roped the high school preppy girl into this somehow
>parents trust the preppy girl to babysit
>fine by me but if someone gets hurt I'm getting someone competent
>baking like fucktons of things
>paint and paper everywhere like arts and crafts
>I guess the neighborhood bake sale is back
| >Be me
>Touch kids
| >>404743
>wait
>we've never had a neighborhood bake sale
>anyway, they set up their table
>slow going at the start, kids argue amongst themselves about stupid shit while the high schooler tries to calm them down
>I just go into my room to write out a few more work reports, watch anime, etc
>2 hours later
>the weirdest crowd of people show up to buy shit
>not like a giant mega xmas crowd at the malls but they definitely weren't neighbors
| >>404980
>pretty damn sure no bird people live near us
>some knobs from the inner city
>oh shit are those runners
>got a bad experience involving runners but that's for another time
>duck my head away from the windows and stay in bed
>suddenly knocks on door
>it's lil bro
>keeps jabberng about some mute guy and asking if I can deliver his food
>what
>shoves my phone in my face (goddammit, thought I hid that)
>there's a fucking dangeru thread about a bake sale
>address and all
| >>404981
>find the posts in question
>there's no address, how can I deliver bro
>they didn't even say if they wanted delivery
>and my grav bike is for business purposes
>'But anon bake sale is business'
>goddammit
>Call one of my friends over to try trace this dude's location
>biketime.jpg
>deliver the goods with no incident, never even saw the person though
>try not to panic about getting sorta doxed when coming home
>I don't wanna get rapemurdered with my family
>oh god
| >>404982
>at the end of all this, lil bro distributes profits to his helpers
>enlists me in cleanup duty, folding up tables
>excitedly tells me how much he made today
>shows me a sheet of paper with calculations that someone definitely helped him with judging from the writing
>His target amount is the exact same as the price to buy a new minilas
>he ain't close but he wants to keep doing his baking until it's done
>...
I still chewed him out about internet carelessness but...
| Damn son
that's one hell of a story
here, have my gurlpoints
| Nice story Anon, more please!
| >be me street racer
>be female and only do drifting
>go on a highway
>guys are suprised to see a women drive a gasoline car
>drop a few skids when theres a clear pathway
NANI KANSETO DRIFTO???????
| >Be me
| One time I sat in my room and played JRPG's, and then I got shot in the leg. The couple in the apartment next door was fighting again, and apparently the guy pulled out a fucking gun and shot the woman dead. He was extremely drunk, and the walls were extremely thin, which is why he managed to hit me, and destroy another neighbors windows.
| >>405567 shit dude is your leg okay?
Might as well drop a few stories more, y'all can laugh at my fear and panic
>be 2 months into courier biking
>know all too well the fuckery that happens in GC, expecting some bs to happen to me like getting mugged by talking malamutes or something
>deliver to x address in Chapel-3 this book they ordered
>woo
>arrive at this big ass rotted complex
>one of many big ass rotted complexes
>people obviously live here but
| >>405979
>the doors seem like insidious maws with their teeth nearly rotted off
>do I really have to go inside to find the exact apartment number?
>I'm gonna get fucking eaten by a tenement and recycled into soylent I swear
>secure bike and begrudgingly walk towards the main door like I can totally handle the various suspicious types eyeing me
>ask front desk to handle the package?
>ha ha no, they're 'on break' according to the sign
>wait 5 mins in lobby
>I can smell the rot
| >be me
>get hungry
>run into the automated milk farm
>no milk available
>kill a cow
>eat it raw
>delicious
| >>405979
It's not what it used to be, but I can still get to work and play JRPGs, so it's fine.
Your story doesn't seem finished. Don't tease me like that.
| >>405983
>wait 10 more minutes
>people come and go, occasionally glancing at me the shitty delivery boy
>The rot has permeated through the very depths of my body and the teeth are closing in
>can't take waiting in here any longer, dumbass me forgets there's a button out front to ring the fucking staff
>though to be fair, I didn't see anyone else use it
>ask the least sketchy looking person in the lobby where section x floor x room x is
>'first time deliverin to here boy?
>y-yes
| >>406187
>she points to this map on the wall of the entire giant ass thing
>gives me directions, I take notes on my phone
>they are ridiculously twisty, even I can see it isn't the fastest route
>ask her about this with raised eyebrow
>did she always have that cold sweat on her face or was it just now?
>awkwardly smiles and whispers in my ear
>apparently some weird shit happens in certain areas, some more dangerous than others
>she refuses to go into detail and wishes me luck
| >>406191
>well I hope she didn't set me up to get mugged in some lone corridor
>go on my noble fucking quest
>go through the first 2 sections without incident
>finally reach the section the client lives in
>elevator seems to be stuck for 5 minutes but blissfully comes down
>just to note, this section seems quieter than the others I've gone to
>no one else in elevator
>go to x floor
>shits still big and sprawly, thanks Quincy
>still checking the notes
>at least it smells less here
| >>406466
>avoid the fuck out of the direct hallway as told, but the weird buzzing from that direction definitely helped
>bees?
>while walking, occasionally brush shoulders with people I swear weren't there a second ago
>now there's just a few more turns and I can get there
>feel like I can still hear bee noises but it's probably fake
>keep on walking, making a turn
>SUDDEN COLLISION MY NIGGA
>ain't no bees tho
>God is merciful
>wait I'm getting groped
>God is a faggot
| >>406468
>Scream at a less manly pitch than liked
>suddenly more scream
>it's my assailant, frozen
>we just look at each other while our screams die off and choke
>He apologizes profusely
>uh yeah man at least your hand is off my asscheek now haha
>he looks mortified as I walk towards my destination
>drop off package since a few rings and knocks confirm there is no one able or willing to answer the door
Still don't know what the other shit was about
| ITT: Traps getting groped
| >>406725 hey man just because I like using flowery ass perfume from time to time does not make me a trap
| I kind of have a story but it's patently ridiculous. -Janeiro
| >>407309
More ridiculous than a giant mutant tree, space lasers, wars between super AI, the 5 minutes war, or the Geekboy somehow surviving against two or three of the largest megacorps in the city trying to kill him?
Oh, and super sentai superheroes, don't forget them.
I even heard rumors of this sentient pile of jelly, that was shaped like a dog...
| >>407325 >>407362
Uh, wow. Didn't think the Shiball would be this popular. I'll do the dishes real quick and get back to you on this then. -Janeiro
| >>408046
Yeah, so, this-
A while back it randomly started raining cats and dogs. Literally. As in, actual liquid cats and dogs were falling from the sky. I lucked out and caught a Shiba, named it Shiball because it was just... A perfectly spherical Shiba. -Janeiro
This thread is permanently archived
| i'm just bored lol
but i guess i'll share one of mine so like
>be me
>be Razorkid
>Go on a "milk run"
>goes to the location
>does the job, EZ PZ (minus a few bullet wounds)
>Time to get paid
>Gets paid in milk
>"The fuck did you expect kid?"
>FeelsBadMan