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Now you’re cooking with lasers!
| >[Preface]
>This guide deals with the how, not with the mundane ‘WHY IN GOD’S NAME WHY?!’
>Like cuisine trends this guide is ever changing, there might be typos. Always double check your settings before beaming – it could be the difference between a delicious beamed ham or accidently shooting down a police helicopter.
>Keep eye protection and fire extinguishing devices handy at all times!
>Claiming "those holes were made by gangbangers!" is a great excuse for your landlord
| >[Tools of the trade]
>I wholeheartedly recommend the type-f heat laser for all your beaming needs. It’s readily available for a competitive price and its small form factor makes it a great addition to anyone’s prefab kitchen!
>If you’re not considering insurance scam (you should!), you might want to deck out your kitchen with law enforcement grade nano coating.
>Gas burners and lasers are a big no-no, use electrical appliances only.
| IT'S... IT'S A COOKBOOK!
A COOOOOOOKBOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!
| >Some foods require a surprising amount of fire power to properly beam, make sure your power grid can handle it or use milspec power supply units. Recipes requiring pulse-beaming will be specially marked.
>To keep things crispy WL will be use for the optimal wavelength, ET for exposure time and IL for the impulse cycle length and POW well for Output power. And now let’s get beaming~
| >[The classics]
>Beamed ham
>POW med (~7KW)
>WL 600 – 700nm
>ET 10 – 12s per cubic centimeter of meat matter
>Be sure to constantly move the beam to avoid dry spots in the meat or holes in your floor!
>Beamed Eggs
>Pow ultra (>10000 KW) *THIS is obviously not right*
>WL 200 – 350nm
>ET 0.1 for soft eggs, 0.14789 for hard boiled eggs
>Easy recipe, even a kid can beam delicious eggs for breakfast, just beam them gently with a low intensity beam for 0.1s!
| A bit disappointing I know but that's pretty much it for now~
I'm currently fine tuning the beamed breams recipe, I'll add it when it's ready! Also DO NOT try to beam Soy-Twinkies, for some reason these things burn like REALLY well lol!
-Saiko
| Question, hiw can i incorporate lasers into my ramen?
| >>196879
Oh getting water to a boil without melting your pots is trickier than you might think!
Either you'd have to mod the type-f to go even lower in output or use low intensity with a veeery long pulse cycle. Both settings are rarely used in regular weaponized laser systems.
-Saiko
| *sigh*
The last time you cooked with lazers your *entire* kitchen was on fire.
>N3
| >>196891
Bu-wh-y-you know what sure we'll go with that...
Are you at least certain that this wont cause any fires?
>N3
| >>196884 >>196879
I think microwave emitters are much better suited for soups and similar.
But since some countries started using them as torture devices to cook people from the inside out they pretty much vanished from the market. Thanks assholes! That's why we can't have nice things!
>>196889
T-that was not me! Well technically I've set my kitchen on fire in the past but ..
-Saiko
| >>196917
Yes, and I'm taking responsibility by promoting safe energy weapon useage in the kitchen!
Please don't be like my coworkers, they think I don't notice but I do!
Everytime I enter a meeting room they hide the presentation laser pointer from me and after my part is done it magically re-appears …
-Saiko
| >>196937
Ha that one is easy, but you want a wide beam laser for the best results!
Apply a regular frying agent (the spray can types are really convenient for this). Lay them out evenly on a baking tray and beam them~
The trick is you want to beam them first with low intensity, flip them and finish with medium density so you get a nice crunchy texture.
I would suggest about ~500nm in wavelength, no more than 4kW in output and 4/2 seconds exposure for low/med beaming.
-Saiko
| >>196976
Holy crep that actually worked.
>lazertatos.jpeg
>its a pick of some perfectly cooked French fries.
Taste good
>N3
| >>196980
See? Perfectly safe too!
Maybe I should submit this at work?
It might make HR remove this 'SAIKO IS NOT ALLOWED IN ARMS MAINTENANCE (AGAIN)' bullcrap from my ID!
-Saiko
| Hope mombot doesn't see this... -CN
| >>197071
A friend of mines. She's usually quite reasonable but when it comes to laser based... Well anything she can get quite irrational. -CN
| OP I have a... Let's say transient living situation and have taken to situating myself in various ruins. It works out well for the most part - solar power and wire taps ensure I have electricity, and are very portable. But outdated AND actively decomposing infrastructure tends not to like lasers too gud and I don't know how to get milspec nanocoating, never mind how to make it portable!
How do I make a moveable laser cooker that won't kill the guy behind my borrowed walls?
| Mmm... beamed hams.
| Reminds me of that time i tried frying eggs with a jet engine
Mmm.... Jet fueled Eggs.
| I'm ordering this cookbook right now and getting a new laser stovetop. -Nym
| Oh, that explains where the holes in my apartment are coming from...
-Evening
| >>197400
Well you gotta think in 3 dimensions, if you are on the top floor hold it up with tongs and aim up, basement - just beam it from top down!
-Saiko
| Nym maybe?
—Jammed Cola
| Nym whomst'd?
-Fuschia Fedora.
| I'll purchase a copy too, let us simply say that I'm desperate for anything that's not microwaved right now
ー黒神
| >>197672 Well it's not like lasers have a range... Eh, fuck it. It's not like I can ruin this building anymore.
In before I laser through exposed piping and flood my living space with liquefied waste
| >>198958
I won't ask, but I fear like this isn't your fist time having laser issues. It happens, but that's because the ganbangers did it, I'm innocent
-黒神
| Does this cookbook make the leftover stuff from trash cans good again? If so, I will get a copy. -r
| >>198910
Everything is more efficient with lasers though!
>>198918
Oh that's a good idea. I'll look for a good recipe for that. I wonder if we could build a stove top that'll convert to a grill...
-Nym
| I prefer Jet engine BBQs to lasers, but eh, maybe lasers will get a better sear.
-Ace
| >>199023
Ah ma'am, I know a fellow culinary visionaire when I see one!
>laser_array_16x16.jpg
>bbq_wip1.jpg
>A closeup of a 16 x 16 laser diode array was uploaded. It looks like it was roughly welded (?) to the bottom of a large bowl like construction, which in turn rests on 3 metal pipe-legs. "Der Vernichter" is crudely written in big white letters on the mildly intimidating apparatus.
-Saiko
| >>199040
I dunno... Last I checked, I'm not the one that caused damage to the motel...
>>199103
Simply beautiful...
-Nym
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| Hello there, inspired by recent events I started writing my own cookbook~
It's very much a work in progress at this time, but please try out some recipes and let me know what you think! Got recipes yourself? Even better post em~
-Saiko
>cwl_v0.1.pdx
>The 'illustration' on the cover of this pdx looks like something that came directly from the imagination of a grade schooler. It reads “Cooking with lasers – the modern days cooking bible for energy delivered flavor enthusiasts!”